Star Trek Into Darkness
Not a review.
A long long time ago,
In a galaxy far, far away,
Space was the final frontier.
These are the greatest years of J.J. Abrams,
His two year mission:
To make a Star Wars movie at least good as this Star Trek movie.
Still one of the most iconic starships EVER.
Still, every time they show the ship,
The music go up damn high wan lor.
Like, enough already, JJ.
We know it's an awesome ship already.
Kirk & Spock, sitting in a starship...
K.I.S.S... ok maybe not.
Intergalactic bromance forevah!
If you're a fan of the original series/movies,
This will probably be right up your lane.
Their friendship has never been stronger.
WHOA Sherlock rocks!
Welcome to superstardom, Mr. Cucumberpatch.
John Harrison was super intense and super scary.
Probably the most memorable bad guy so far this year.
A bit scary when the camera zooms in on him,
And all you can see is HIS FACE.
Extremely unnerving in IMAX, especially.
Alice Eve strips!
Wait what? THEY CUT OUT THAT SCENE??!!???
*Goes back and gets screenshot from trailer*
Is it just me or has Zoe Saldana lost A LOT OF WEIGHT?
She's barely filling out that Starfleet uniform!
Hey, wouldn't it be great...
If the Enterprise suddenly showed up in Star Wars Episode VII?
Here, with all the time travelling & Galaxy jumping they do,
Who's to stop them from showing up in that galaxy far far away?
(And getting zapped by a new Death Star).
Wonder how Spock would fare in a fight with Yoda?
Pointy ear fight!
This is a summer blockbuster disguised as a Star Trek movie,
LOTS of action, limited exposition,
Over the top bad guys...
If you're a die hard Star Trek fan who hated the first one,
You MIGHT not like this one either.
(Depending on how you feel the treatment to certain iconic scenes).
But it's still quite awesome to watch!
Still, if this was any indication,
then Star Wars really is in good hands.
Because Star Trek Into Darkness was AWESOME FUN.
Not perfect, but still great to watch.
May J.J. Abrams live long and prosper,
And may the Force always be with him.
Iron Man 3.
Not a review.
Definitely better than Iron Man 2.
And probably slightly better than Iron Man 1 too,
In terms of execution and substance.
(I'm not saying IM1 wasn't awesome)
(Just that this one feels more... complete)
Robert Downey Jr still rocks!
Really, if he doesn't return as Tony Stark,
Then no one else should have the role!
This post-Avengers Tony Stark is more vulnerable though.
And RDJ gets to... ACT more,
Rather than just stand around in a suit.
Hold that thought,
I need to go back and read if Extremis did THAT.
And THAT. And THAT.
Still, excellent story to draw from.
Can't go wrong with Warren Ellis, really.
Wait, he's not Chinese?
So why does he call himself the Mandarin?
Because he likes Mandarin oranges a lot?
Or because he speaks Mandarin fluently?
Or maybe he plays the mandari...
Oh wait, that'll be the Mandolin.
Er... hardly any cleavage rating, TBH.
Even though she strips down to her bra.
It's like she spent too much time with Iron Man,
And her boobs got ironed flat too.
Wait, isn't that just War Machine with a paint job?
I just can't seem to get used to Don Cheadle
playing someone other than Marty Kahn though. LOL
OMG SO MANY IRON MAN SUITS
Red Snapper lah, Heartbreaker lah,
Underwater suit, space suit, Hulkbuster suit...
I'm surprised he didn't make an Iron Tuxedo suit,
For those formal superhero functions.
What a way to kick off Marvel's Phase 2 though.
And with Thor 2, and Captain America 2,
And GUARDIANS OF THE KRUTACKING GALAXY coming up,
and then AVENGERS 2!
It's a good time to be a Marvel fan!
GI Joe: Retaliation.
Not a review.
The Rock and John McClane.. Together at last!
Wait a sec...
Whatever happened to good old "YO JOE!"???
ALL HAIL THE ROCK.
The Rock is awesome.
The Rock kicks ass like no other.
The Rock has arms as big as a tank's turret.
The Rock can revive ANY franchise,
Even those that have hit Rock Bottom (heh heh)
All hail Cobra!
Ok, maybe not.
But hail the fact that he's got his proper mask back, at least.
And his awesome world destroying weapon is called.... HISS!
Now THAT'S the Cobra Commander we know!
I wish they'd brought back The Baroness though.
She was awesome. And hot, of course.
Wah they really got rid of almost EVERYONE from the first movie huh?
And added The Rock and John McClane samore.
Which actually made this more awesome than the first one.
At least there was none of that "Acceleration Suit" nonsense.
This was good old fashioned guns, fists and explosions.
And ninjas of course.
Ninjas are always awesome.
OF COURSE Snake Eyes is still in it.
Come on, it wouldn't be a GI JOE movie without Snake Eyes, right?
He still kicks ass, obviously.
But hor, for a ninja, he doesn't seem very stealthy lor.
Made so much noise that even Roadblock heard him.
Oooh hot chick.
Hot chick with guns!
Hot chick in a gratuitous cleavage-baring dress!
(Cleavage Rating: 8.5)
Hot chick in a gratuitous clothes changing scene!
Ohh, and ANOTHER hot chick.. with swords!
I still miss The Baroness though.
GUNS! EXPLOSIONS! FIGHTS!
A NINJA FIGHT ON A MOUNTAINSIDE!
TANKS! BIG ONES!
LONDON GETTING DESTROYED!
Now that's good action!
Oklah, the movie quite entertaining.
As long as no one was trying to start a conversation.
The plot, dialogue were rather meh.
But there were some good one-liners from The Rock and John McClane.
Hey Bruce, this movie is better than that last Die Hard.
Jsut stick to this franchise, and forget that other one, ok?
Yippie kay yay, General Joe.
Ip Man: The Final Fight. 葉問：終極一戰
Not a review.
Yes, it's another Ip Man movie.
But no Donnie Yen this time.
It's got Anthony Wong Chau Sang instead.
But don't worry, he still kicks ass.
The Final Fight?
More like The Final Stroll Around Hong Kong, actually.
There's some good action, sure,
But much of it is focused on Ip Man,
And him living life in Hong Kong,
And how he supposedly influenced everyone.
If you thought the first two Ip Man movies were virtuous,
This one practically makes him a SAINT.
Heck, he is practically god-like here.
Unflappable, unstoppable, untouchable, and unbelievably virtuous
At the rate these movies are deifying him,
He'd probably be canonized by the Pope by the next movie.
He is also in full on Yoda mode here.
Ask him a question, he gives you a one line piece of advice.
"Si Fu, why you teach me to fight but say I cannot fight people?"
"Mmm, if I teach you to swim will you go and throw people in the water?"
"Si Fu, teach me how to tell the difference between good and bad!"
"Mmm, you have to decide that for yourself when the time comes."
"Si Fu, will you train me if I try hard?
"Mmm, do or do not. There is no try."
Ok lah, the movie was entertaining,
Especially when there was a lot of fighting going on.
The action was pretty decent.
Wong Chau Sang's fighting is pretty good.
(and surprisingly, Eric Tsang also LOL)
And at least they didn't over-edit the fights to death.
The story a bit here and there though.
First we see him training people,
Then he is fighting Eric Tsang,
Then suddenly got girl try to 'kau' him.
(No it wasn't Gillian Chung)
(And of course he managed to resist her charms lar,)
(he's IP MAN, for fucks sake)
Then WAH, out of nowhere got super geng bad guy wan,
Then hor, Ip Man have to go and save his student again,
And of course have to kick his ass lor.
In the end got Bruce Lee samore.
(Who didn't really look like Bruce Lee, TBH)
But that final footage of the REAL Ip Man's woodwork was awesome.
A Good Day To Die Hard
Not a Review.
Also known as Die Hard 5.
You'd think after five movies,
We'd get to see John McClane actually DYING Hard.
Wow, this movie is LOUD.
My ears were still ringing an hour after the movie ended.
Maybe it was just the IMAX sound system.
It felt like the WHOLE movie was just explosion after explosion.
Even the gunshots sounded especially loud.
Michael Bay would be proud.
Is it just me or is McClane just embarrassing here?
I'm embarrassed for Jai Courtney here.
His "dad" complains and NAGS all the time,
Blah blah blah, complain complain nagnagnag.
Sometimes you just want him to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
STOP TALKING AND START BLOWING THINGS UP, GODAMMIT.
At one point I actually wished Jai would just shoot him,
Then finish the movie by himself.
Jai's not bad though,
Pretty good at the action shit.
If they're gonna make a Die Hard movie without Willis,
then he'd be a good substitute.
He needs to be less intense and more insane though.
And get some bloody face expressions, dude.
Oooh, hot chick.
Not much of a cleavage rating though,
Because THEY CUT OUT THE PART WHERE SHE TAKES OFF HER CLOTHES.
DAMN YOU, Malaysian censors!
Here, this is what we missed:
Journey To The West.
Not a review.
Dear Stephen Chow:
Can make me laugh so hard.
Can be so mou lei tao....
Welcome back, Mr. Chow!
(No not THAT Mr Chow, the one from Hangover)
(STEPHEN CHOW SING CHI LAAAR)
Been a while since I laughed at so many stupid things in a movie.
All hail His Royal Mou-Lei-Tao-ness!
So what if he is only directing the show,
And not actually IN it?
Is it funny? Oh yeah, it's funny.
At least I thought it was pretty damn fun.
And look, not a single fart joke in sight!
So many awesome lines. Awesomely silly lines,
And the best and funniest use of fake blood EVAR.
There's drama, romance, action, even some horror,
And amid all that,
The slapstick mou lei tao comedy never seemed out of place.
Shu Qi is quite funny too!
Oooh, and that Chrissie Chau chick is HOT.
And someone give Huang Bo an award,
His Monkey King was AWESOME.
Funny, mischievous, and fun at first,
He's also super scary when he wants to be.
Especially in monkey form.
Now THAT'S a convincing Sun Wu Kong!
Ok, maybe I'm just bias.
I REALLY wanted this to be good.
But I still went into the show with low expectations.
Happily, I had a whole lot of fun!
I think not being in front of the camera really helped him,
Somehow, the movie seemed to flow along pretty smoothly for me.
Ok sure, the CGI effects aren't THAT great,
But don't compare to Transformers or LOTR lar.
If you'd seen that stupid Jet Li White Snake show,
(The one with HOT CHICK SNAKE LESBIAN ACTION)
You'd reckon JTOW's effects are pretty decent.
Kinda reminded me of Kungfu Hustle & Shaolin Soccer too much at times though
Oh well, if you don't like this one,
You could always go back and watch the old 1994 ones, Chinese Odessey 1 & 2 - Pandora's Box & Cinderella.
I loved that time-travelling thingy,
And the BO YE BO LO MI! cry,
And of course, THAT song.
Come on, altogether now!