Tuesday, 24 June 2014
Transformers: Age of Extinction.
Not a Review.
Otherwise known as Transformers 4.
Yes, Michael Bay's made four of these.
The first one's still the best.
But this is probably a close second.
But I think Bay should take a break lor.
First things first,
One thing that makes this better than all the previous TF movies:
NO ANNOYING CHARACTERS.
OK there are one or two,
But they're not around long enough to spoil the movie.
IN HIS G1 ALTERNATE MODE!
Now THAT alone was worth watching this.
It made Optimus Prime feel like the REAL Optimus Prime again.
After he changed back to Bayfire Mode,
It was like he lost all his character.
Oooh, new Autobots!
HOUND! He would've made a great Howling Commando.
DRIFT! I wish Bludgeon was around to cross swords with him.
CROSSFIRE! I didn't know his name until halfway through the movie.
But hey, at least he kicked ass.
And of course.... DINOBOTS!
GRIMLOCK KICK BUTT!
But hor, when Optimus started riding Grimlock like a horsey,
I thought, "Eh, macam Action Masters je. Or Dino Riders."
Got Galvatron lor.
Got Lockdown doing his Boba Fett impression.
And got some HUGE ASS SHIP.
(Eh, why that part look like Unicron wan?)
Mark Wahlberg's definitely better than Shia.
And for once I didn't hate him
(yes, I hate Mark Wahlberg in general, so sue me).
He can kick Shia's ass anytime.
The girl isn't annoying, at least,
And wasn't around just to look pretty
(Though she IS pretty to look at).
And Dr. Frasier Crane was pretty damn good.
And got that guy from TV who always plays the bad guys.
OMG SO LONG.
AND SO LOUD.
My ears were ringing after the show.
Michael Bay really upped the volume & explosions this time.
It's TWO HOURS 45 MINUTES.
That's A LOT OF EXPLOSIONS to sit through.
But still, It's Transformers,
So you get what you expect.
Still a lot of completely silly illogical moments,
But at least you don't feel like strangling any characters.
Besides it's got OPTIMUS IN HIS G1 ALTERNATE MODE.
And GRIMLOCK! YEAH!
Meh. Puny humans.
Friday, 23 May 2014
Edge of Tomorrow.
Not a review.
Should have been called All You need is Kill.
Cos that's a WAAAAY cooler title.
I mean, Edge of Tomorrow?
What the hell does that even MEAN?
Oklah, the movie was better than expected.
Quite good actually.
Like Groundhog Day with aliens and explosions.
Or Source Code but with a bigger budget.
Plus it's got Tom Cruise getting killed.
Over, and over, and over, and over again.
Action is good, pacing is good,
The story is kickass,
And the acting is pretty damn good too.
Emily Blunt is good,
Tom Cruise is good (more on him later).
It's based on a Japanese novel/manga
And they've kept MOST of the story at least
(which is kickass, BTW)
If only they hadn't cast Tom Cruise.
Ok, he was actually pretty good here,
But I swear he just Tomcruisifies everything he does,
It doesn't matter where the source material came from.
Mission Impossible? More like Tom Cruise: Secret Agent.
Jack Reacher? More like Tom Cruise: Private Eye.
Oblivion? More like Tom Cruise versus Tom Cruise.
Edge of Tomorrow? More like All You Need Is Tom Cruise.
But this is worth watching in the cinema though.
the opening battle scene alone is worth the IMAX ticket.
And at least Tom Cruise doesn't smile TOO much.
(So you won't get blinded by his dazzling white teeth)
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
X-Men: Days of Future Past
Not a review.
Now THAT is an X-Men movie!
Not that Brett Ratner crap.
This is Singer in the Key of X!
PROFESSOR X! (Both old and new ones are awesome)
MAGNETO! (Wah Fassbender does a GREAT Mckellen)
WOLVERINE! (SO MUCH better here than in his OWN movies)
MYSTIQUE! (Jannifer Lawrence hubba hubba)
QUICKSILVER! (has THE BEST SCENE of 2014 so far)
KITTY PRYDE! (Eh since when she had THOSE powers?)
ICEMAN! (An ice slide, FINALLY!)
STORM! (Halle Berry is still the worse Storm ever)
BEAST! (is your alias James P. Sullivan, Hank?)
ROGUE! (Oh wait...)
BLINK! (Blink and you'll miss her only spoken line!)
COLOSSUS! (Eh macam tak power langsung wan)
Sunspot! Warpath! Havok! Er... Toad!
And a whole lot more I can't give away spoilers for!
Welcome back, Mr Singer,
And well done.
This is the best X-Men movie since YOUR last X-Men movie.
And to top it all off,
You've erased the memory of Brett Rattner's Last Stand!
And now, BRING ON THE APOCALYPSE!
(stay behind for the end of credits scene, BTW)
Monday, 12 May 2014
Not a review.
Now THAT'S a Godzilla movie!
Not that stupid Roland Emmerich crap.
At least THIS Godzilla looks like Godzilla,
Not a like a mutated T-Rex.
And when THAT tail LIGHTS UP...
The MUTO looks a bit like the Cloverfield monster though,
And somehow reminded me of the Pacific Rim kaijus.
Looks damn awesome when destroying stuff.
But hor, I dowan to just see monsters destroying stuff.
Correction: I dowan to see monsters destroying stuff, ON THEIR OWN.
I wanna see monsters FIGHTING GOJIRA!!!
A bit too much drama drama for me though.
Too many humans emoing
Not enough monsters demolishing.
Also hor, a bit slow lor
30 minutes in, not a single monster in sight.
Only Walter White and his nuclear reactor.
And Kick-Ass pretending to be a soldier.
COME ON, JUST GIVE US MONSTERS FIGHTING MONSTERS.
But when GOJIRA! came on,
That was like, FUCK YEAH! GOJIRA!!!!
But the damn director kept teasing us.
Godzilla and MUTO about to fight... CUT TO SMALL TV SCREEN
Godzilla and MUTO facing off... CLOSE DOOR.
WTF! *flip table*
One thing I couldn't help noticing though,
WHY IS GODZILLA SO GODDAMN FAT?
I hereby dub thee Obesezilla!
Yo-zilla so fat he make keju by sitting on keju
Yoz-zilla so fat he make Jaeger look like Mick Jagger
Ate too many cheeseburgers is it?
The Japanese one eat sushi more hehehehe.
Monday, 5 May 2014
The Amazing Spider-Man 2.
Not a review.
Well played, Mark Webb, well played.
This is my second favorite Spidey movie,
After the first Spider-Man 2.
For me, this is THE definitive Peter Parker,
(Sorry, Tobey Maguire)
Awkward, geeky, and loser-ish,
And awesome as Spider-man.
It's also the best Parker/Spidey combo.
Now THAT is Spider-man.
And welcome back, Spidey wise-cracks!
And this is DEFINITELY THE BEST web-slinging EVER.
Can get vertigo also ok.
This was all about Peter and Gwen.
And it was done pretty well, I thought.
Leaving MJ out this time was a good idea after all.
The Peter-Gwen chemistry was pretty good,
And at the very least, it wasn't TOO mushy mushy.
You actually cared about what happened to them.
Plus it's Emma Stone!
But hor, the bad guys a bit DUH lor.
Electro is damn power,
But really, a bit two dimensional lor.
Zap here zap there,
Nothing much left to do.
Harry Osborne at least a bit better,
A bit kayu at first,
Had to get used to him a bit.
But I liked this Green Goblin.
More than the silly neon green one in Spider-Man.
The less said about Rhino the better though...
But at least they didn't overdo it with the villains,
Not like Spider-Man 3...
BRING ON THE SINISTER SIX!
Was it Amazing? Maybe.
Was it Spectacular? Quite, especially the webslining scenes.
Was it Superior? Well, yes, compared to the first one.
This is also a lot more heartfelt and gut-wrenching.
And it's definitely the best one in THIS incarnation of Spidey so far.
Wednesday, 26 March 2014
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Not a review.
Marvel is back, YEAH!
And every time they are back, it's awesome.
This is MUCH better than the first Cap.
Captain America! Fuck Yeah!
Chris Evans is better this time round,
Not so goody goody too.
And is it me or does he fight a lt better as well?
Especially that Batroc fight.
Oooh, the Winter Soldier is just like in the comics,
Quite badass also.
And DAMN, that metal arm.
FALCON! FUCK YEAH!
WHOOOSH HERE! WHOOSH THERE!
Ok, the wingsuit looked a bit silly on the ground,
But it was awesome when flying!
Nick Fury quite badass also wor.
At least he got more things to do this time,
And wasn't jsut standing around,
And pretending to be Lawrence Fishburne.
Ooooh, Black Widow.
No cleavage rating.
But a pretty high leather catsuit rating.
(BTW is it me or did she sound TOO sultry in the beginning?)
(As if it's even possible for Scarlett to be TOO sultry).
HELICARRIERS! FUCK YEAH!
STRANGE EASTER EGGS! FUCK YEAH!
More Marvel Universe references!
The only thing missing was Coulsno's SHIELD team turning up,
Though I suppose they're on clean-up duty again LOL.
And YES, stay back for the mid-credits scene,
It's worth it
(Final end credits scene also got)
(but not as worth it LOL)