Wednesday, 17 November 2004

Lessons from Tolkien

The title of this New Straits Times feature yesterday - Lessons from Tolkien - had me flipping immediately to the page to read the story. Disappointingly, Tolkien was only mentioned in the first four paragraphs of the story, after which it goes on telling the life story of a Malaysian author/pastor who has read LOTR seven times, and learnt a few lessons from it. A rather misleading headline, if you ask me.

Anyway, while we're on the subject of Tolkien and LOTR, here are some of the lessons I have learnt from the novels. Here they are:
  • Always bring a torchlight when going into dark caves.
  • Always bring a friend when going to unpleasant places full of ash and dust.
  • Always have a Plan B, especially if all your hopes rests on two puny hobbits who hug and cry all the time.
  • Don't show your jewelry to strangers. They might want it too.
  • Don't be too possessive of your jewelry. You might end up talking to yourself and coughing a lot
  • Don't bring an axe to an Ent's Hari Raya open house.
  • Don't break your promises. You might end up as a ghost, waiting in a dark cave for a smelly git with a sword to come and release you.
  • If you get lost, smell your way out.
  • If you have a magic ring that allows you to become invisible, don't tell your wizard friend.
  • Make sure your son is REALLY dead before burning him at the pyre.
  • Mushrooms are good.
  • Never try to blindfold a person as stubborn as a dwarf.
  • Never trust a wizard who spent his entire life learning about the bad guys.
  • Never trust an employee who used to work for a wizard who spent his entire life learning about the bad guys.
  • There is always time for food (especially second breakfasts), even if you are on a mission to save the world.
  • When establishing a legend or prophecy to make yourself invincible, use the word 'HUMANS' instead of 'MEN' in the clause.
  • When you're stuck on the top of a tower or losing a battle, don't worry. The Eagles will always come.
  • When you're feeling sad, gloomy or just plain scared because some evil wraiths are after you - don't worry. Just sing!
  • If you're gonna put all your power into a single object, don't put it in a golden ring. Put it in a safe-deposit box or a fixed deposit account. That way, even if you end up as a burning eye at the top of a tower for a few million years, you can still collect interest.

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