Daphne and I were talking today about authors growing old while trying to milk as much out of their franchises as possible.
Then she said: "Imagine what J.K. Rowling might do after she finishes Harry Potter. Maybe she might do spinoffs of the books."
So, in true EoE tradition where a good crazy idea is never wasted, I present to you a list of potential spin-offs that Rowling might want to consider:
The Da Weasley Code
Genre: Conspiracy thriller
The premise: After graduating from Hogwarts, Ron Weasley becomes obsessed with a conspiracy theory that Voldemort was actually married to Professor McGonagall, and was in fact a good guy. He then discovers that the marriage was covered up by a secret society led by Professor Dumbledore dedicated to preserving the legend of Harry Potter's incredible feats.
Sex in Diagon Alley
Genre: Chic Lit
The premise: Ten years after graduating from Hogwarts, Hermione is working as a columnist in the Daily Prophet who writes about the virtues of levitational sex.
She chances upon Cho Chang, Fleur Delacour, and Ginny Weasley (all of whom have grown up and wear nice cleavage-revealing dresses in the latest fashions) in Diagon Alley, and they all become great friends who meet up for lunch every day and talk endlessly about men and their erhem... wands, shoes, sex, shopping, men, shoes, men, shoes and men.
Who Moved My Chocolate Frogs?
Genre: Self-help book
The Premise: Written by former Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge, the book teaches readers NOT to accept change, and to always stand by your decisions even if He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is back to destroy the world, and (horrors!) your chocolate frogs are jumping away.
The Name of the Ghost
Genre: Crime mystery cum religious commentary
The Premise: Harry Potter discovers that Nearly-Headless Nick was actually a former Benedictine monk who was murdered; and travels with his faithful sidekick Ron to an abbey somewhere in Europe to solve Nick's murder and to find out his true name.
Along the way, they find a door filled with carvings of Chinese Fireball Dragons, and a massive library filled to the brim with obscure pre-Harry Potter children's books.
Genre: Science Fiction
The Premise: The story follows a decendent of Harry Potter who is living in the future where magic is stored in jars, and robots are controlled by the 300 Laws of Magical Robots.
He has to travel to a distant planet with a robot Ron Weasley-lookalike, where he must ride giant earthworms to search for a missing spice for his Tom Yam soup.
Harry Potter Jr. and The Babysitter's Rock
Genre: Children's Pop-up Picture Book
The premise: Baby Harry Potter Jr. is sent to Hogwarts Kindergarden by his father to learn magic. There, he makes friends with a geeky red-haired kid who keeps drooling green slime, and a brilliant but frumpy little girl who likes spelling out bombastic words with the playing blocks.
They discover a plot to steal a rock that would give immense power to anyone who hits his head repeatedly with the rock.