Tuesday, 20 September 2005

CS-Eyeris: Potential CSI tie-ins

I have no idea how this post came about. I was talking to Daphne about the possible prequels (horror of horrors!) that JK Rowling could come up with for the Harry Potter books, and all of a sudden, I got an idea for a CSI: Hogwarts thingy. Then the others came about.

Call it magic. Or just the work of a over-stressed and over-imaginative mind.

CSI: Cybertron
Someone has disassembled Wheelie somewhat brutally. The Autobots' in-house detective Nightbeat and a team of Autobots led by Wheeljack are on the case to find the criminal and thank him for ridding Cybertron of the most annoying Transformer ever made. May contain lewd scenes robots screwing their parts together.

CSI: Highbury
A detailed CSI investigation is being conducted into a horrifying tackle on Sol Campbell during a Sunday morning kickabout which left Campbell with a broken leg. The main suspect is Pascal "Can't defend for nuts" Cygan, who would not get a sniff at the first team if Campbell was available. However, investigations hit a rut when prime witness Arsene Wenger claimed not to have seen the tackle.

CSI: Hobbiton
With Frodo and Gandalf gone sailing, and Aragorn too busy making heirs to care about The Shire anymore, Sam, Merry and Pippin form their own CSI team to tackle unsolved mysteries involving heinous crimes committed against the hobbits; such as stolen vegetables, spilt ale and squashed mushrooms. May contain gory close-ups of hairy feet.

CSI: Hogwarts
With the recent increase of crimes since Voldemort's return, the Ministry of Magic has set up a new CSI team to investigate various crimes that have ben committed. With the latest magic and most high-tech wands, they solve cases by sitting around eating Chocolate Frogs, waving their wands, and generally coming up with the same person all the time. Unfortunately, they can Never Name Him, so they can never close cases.

CSI: Hoth
A bunch of rebel droids on Hoth investigate mysterious cases of dead tauntaun. Bad smells abound, on the outside AND the inside.

CSI: Petaling Street
Prominent Malaysian bloggers Mack and Minishorts trawl the Malaysian Blogosphere searching for crimes committed against the morality and the sanctity of the Malaysian bloggers. May contain speeding inducing, action-packed scenes of Professional Blogbuster Peter Tan zooming around on his modified wheelchair (complete with blue lighted under-seat and cup-holder). Profanity optional.

CSI: Sesame Street
In the pilot episode, Elmo is found torn apart seam by seam by a letter of the Alphabet. But WHICH LETTER? Ernie (who suspects it could be an 'S') heads a sophisticated CSI team armed with dictionaries and calculators, with Oscar the Grouch as their forensics expert (I've seen that piece of garbage before!), and Super Grover as their main interrogator, and The Count as their in-house accountant. (May contain disturbingly bad grammar, cheesy dialogue, annoying furry monsters and a lot of counting.)

CSI: Singapore
The crack CSI team in Singapore go around Orchard Road taking samples of spit from the ground, analysing them in their highly sophisticated labs, and once they have found the source of the spit, sends them a fine. (May include poodles)

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