Thursday, 26 January 2006

How to get Eyeris to Join a Gym: An Expert Guide

My plane touched down at 2pm yesterday, and like any other technology-dependant Malaysian, the first thing I did was to turn on my mobile phone to see if anyone caleld me or sent me any messages. (I only got one... sigh... but at least it was from my larling, so I was happy. So happy. Whee!).

Anyway, as I was walking through KLIA, I received a call on my phone, almost immedietely after I'd turned on the phone.

My first thought was, "Wow! I'm so popular! Just turn on phone only already got people call me!" (Yes, I don't get many phone calls, can you tell?).

Happily, I answered the call, only to be greeted by: "Hello! My name is Blabla Blab from Curry Fitness!"

GAH! Telemarketer!

I've managed to keep my phone line relatively telemarketer free for years now (I've only recieved like TWO telemarketer calls in the past two years, more on that in a later post), so I was curious as to how he managed to get pass my defences.

Then I found out, basket, this particular telemarketer got my number from one of my friends, who decided to include my name and phone number in his 'guest list' so that the gym can call me up to offer me free trials.

(Guys, if you have my number, PLEASE ASK ME FIRST before you give out my phone number to anyone, can or not???)

Anyway, being the nice telemarketer-friendly guy I am (I used to do a bit of it myself, and did a story on them before, so I know how hard it is for them), I listened for a while, and told him sorry, I don't go to gyms.

So he asked, "why don't you go to gyms? Don't you exercise? Don't you wanna be fit?"

RIGHT. Halo, kawan, there are a lot of other ways to stay fit and exercise lar. It's called SPORTS. And it doesn't cost a few hundred bucks a month.

Anyway, after I managed to fend him off, I started to think. What would it actually take for someone to convince me to go to a gym?

So I came up with this 5-step guide on 'How to convince Eyeris to Join a Gym":

1) Give me a LIFETIME MEMBERSHIP for FREE
Yes, I'm cheap, so sue me. I'd rather not pay just to exercise or for something I can get for free elsewhere, Besides, I'm not gonna pay a leg and an arm for some membership for a fitness centre that I wouldn't go to if there was no badminton to play. Which brings me to...

2) Build a Badmintin Hall
Get rid of all those thread mills, bicycles, and bla bla bla, and build me a badminton hall, goddammit! (preferably with a rubberised court and good lighting). You see, I don't do gyms, but I play badminton. A LOT. So if your fitness centre got no badminton hall, chances are I won't go there...

3) Serve Beer. Or Coffee (preferably both)
Of course, this would defeat the purpose of a 'fitness centre' in the first place...

4) Offer me a bevy of hot female personal trainers in bikinis
Well, you know what they say about people who sign up for gyms to meet guys/girls...

5) STOP CALLING ME ON THE PHONE AND BUGGING ME TO JOIN
If I want to join, I'll join ok? No need to call me up and tempt me with free trials or anything. Stop talking down to me like I'm an idiot for not joining a gym just because everyone else is doing it.

I've had my fair share of gyms in the past, and frankly speaking, any exercise that does not involve any opponents, points rules and so on (READ: SPORTS) is just no fun, no fun at all.

So I don't like gyms, so there. I wrote about it in Eye on Sports HERE long time ago: The Gym Germ, where I wrote :

It's like a GERM is going around. EVERYONE wants a gym membership. While it's good that they want to EXERCISE, why is it the very first avenue of exercise they think of is joining a GYM?

I'm not gonna rehash the entire argument here, but like I said, I don't do gyms, ok? So can you PLEASE stop adding me to your 'guest list'? Sigh...

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