Thursday, 12 January 2006

National Fornication in the Geographic Wild

So.... I've finished the entire season of House, watched almost every episode of Samurai Jack, Justice League AND their reruns, and I can't be bothered to watch Desperate Housewives. With no football on Mondays, what's a renewed TV addict to watch?

Why National Geographic, of course!

Yes, I don't only watch Cartoon Network, AXN and ESPN, I also sometimes watch the documentary channels as well. See, I believe in education as well!


Anyway, this month on Mondays at 11pm, National Geographic has one of the most entertaining documentaries I've seen in a while, the very intriguingly named..... WILD SEX!

Now, now, don't get excited, it's not a documentary about porn, and neither is it about anime (sic). It's a show about the er.. sexual activities of animals in the wild, hence the name 'Wild Sex'.

Well, the sex may no be THAT wild (unless you're the type that likes er... doing it with er... animals, in which case, I don't really wanna know you), but the show itself is pretty cool. After all, a documentary with a intro that goes "The world's a marketplace, and what's on sale is the wildest sex in the world", is always interesting.

Anyway, the last two episodes on the last two Mondays have been about 'Libido' and 'The Hard Sell'. I only managed to catch 'The Hard Sell', but what fun it was.

In one short hour, we saw how chimpanzee males bring food to females in exchange for sex (Primate prostitution!), how the sweet smell of dung is the ultimate turn-on for the male dung beetle (Some fetish THAT is. EWWW), and how for one species of crab, size really DOES matter (size of its claw, that is).

the funniest thing about this show is the way the narrator talks. Instead of the usual semi-enthusiastic yet monotonous tones that usual documentary narrators use, this guy (I can't remember his name right now) uses an incredibly deadpan voice, something like the way a British comedian would deadpan his punch lines. It's hard to explain it here, you have to hear it for yourself.

To be able to say lines like, "The rejected male is unsymmetrical but still horny", and "they've got each other, and a ball of excrement, now they need a place to have sex" with such a deadpan voice is just pure brilliance I tell you.

And what about this line about the way red deer males roar out for mates - "During the red deer mating season, it's the males that give deep throat." Eheh.

Oh, and don't forget the one about seabirds - "because the feces passes through the same opening, it is important for males to go before they come."

All together now: EWWWWW!!!

Anyway, the narrator's voice is just one of the amusing things about this show. There's also the somewhat porn-movie style music that accompanies the scenes of animals mating. Makes the whole er... package very tongue-in-cheek, and so funny.

So, if you've never watched a single NG documentary in your life, try Wild Sex, on Mondays 11pm, on Astro, and learn how wild animals fornicate!

Now THAT'S sex education for you!

PS: I wonder whether if a certain sorry excuse for a reporter caught wind of this documentary, would he decide to generalise ALL National Geographic documentaries as porn and print it on the front page of his paper? I'd LOVE , just LOVE it if he really did that, really. haha

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