Friday, 15 June 2007

How To Review a Book Without Getting Complaints: An Expert Guide

That WAS an interesting issue isn't it? In the end of the day, it was a matter of a reviewer's personal opinion vs a man defending his 'baby'. To each his own, I say.

Anyway, if you do't understand what the hell I'm talking about.... I'm not about to explain it here. Yeah. I malas.

And without further ado, I present to you this expert guide on..

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How To Review a Book Without Getting Complaints

  1. Give a detailed description of what's on the book cover - the fonts used, the colours, the graphics. Don't try to guess what it means though. Maybe the author just liked the pretty colours.
  2. Don't try to guess the genre of the book, because you might not like it. If the title says The Romance of Chicky Little with a Pontianak, don't assume its a cheesy horror fairytale story. It might be a romance novel, ok!
  3. Type out the synopsis on the back of the book word for word so you don't get the story or context of the book's plot (and devices) wrong.
  4. Type out the author's biography word for word so you won't get his age and nationality wrong
  5. To butter up your review, add a few lines about the titles of his past books (this can be obtained from the biography too, usually), and add the ISBN numbers to spice things up a little (nothign like a couple of numbers to spice things up, eh?)
  6. Now, remember to write your review using only superlatives contained within the glowing testimonials that are on the jacket of the book (That way you can defend yourself when people question the words you use in the review)
  7. And above all... whatever you do... DON'T EVER, EVER READ THE BOOK, because that might force you to form personal opinions about the book itself, and that opinion might actually clash (shock! horror!) with that of the author's intentions!

This has been a friendly public service announcement and a weak attempt to be sarcastic, brought to you by an irrelevant anonymous blogger, and has nothing to do whatsoever with a certain book reviewer. Right. Sekian terima kasih.

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