Wednesday, 15 August 2007

Bourne Could Kick Bond's Ass With Nothing but a Toothbrush

The Bourne Ultimatum
Not a review.
Damn kickass.
Jason Bourne kicks all sorts of ass.
No one in 2007 can kick ass as good as Jason Bourne.
Except maybe Optimus Prime.
Because Jason Bourne'd get a sore foot if he tried to kick Prime's metal ass.
But anyway...
Remember how kickass James 'Craig' Bond was?
Jason Bourne could beat him senseless.
With one hand behind his back.
And blindfolded.
With nothing but a TOOTHBRUSH.
And the best part is,
Bourne wouldn't even KNOW how or why he was doing it.
He just DOES it.
How cool is that?
Anyway, this movie damn international,
Moscow, Turin, London, Paris, Madrid, New York, Tangier...
Wah, how he find money to go all over the place har?
Oh wait it's JASON BOURNE.
HE doesn't need some pansy secret agent organisation to fund him
He'll FIND a way to do it himself.
Even if he had to KICK EVERYONE'S ASS to do it.

Matt Damon rocks.
Joan Allen also.
But Julia Stiles.. not so much.
Look, I like Julia Stiles.
But here, she just looks.. upset.
And pouty.
And frumpy.
Not cool at all.
But who cares anyway, eh?
We're watching this for Jason Bourne.
Who kicks ass.
And that fight scene is like, damn brutal,
And damn cool.
Who knew a BOOK could be used that way huh?
And that scene in at Waterloo.
And that Scrambler scene.
And that car chase.
Fooyor, damn kan ciong.
Action-wise, damn best.
I just wish the director would stop shooting over peoples' shoulders.
And stop shaking the bloody camera.
Give me headache only.
Another fella complained she got motion sickness just watching it.
But that aside,
Still one of the better action movies this year.
Yes, I liked it slightly more than Die Hard 4.0.
Jason Bourne would kick John McClane's butt.
And he wouldn't need a car to do it.
He'd do it with just a TIC-TAC.
No wait, it's John McClane.
Bourne'd need something bigger to make sure he stays down.
Like... a KIT-KAT.
Like, Yippekayyay my ass, John.
Say hello to my Kit-Kat, John.
Now, take a break, John.

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