Wednesday, 14 November 2007

Beowulf and The Fake Naked Angelina Jolie

Not a review.
Not a live-action movie.
Not a cartoon either.
It's one of those motion-capture, digitised,
Or rather, 'Performance-Capture' thingies,
That Robert Zemeckis likes to do these days.
Like Polar Express and Monster House.
Only this is more gruesome,
More violent,
More nudity,
More blood,
More everything than Polar Express and Monster House,
And more real also.

But being more real doesn't mean it's all real.
Somehow it reminded me too much of a video game,
It was like watching a feature version of a Baldur's Gate 2 cut-scene.
The people LOOK real, they ACT real, and they fight real,
But then they also look fake at the same time.
It was different with 300.
You knew everything behind them was fake,
But at least the actors were real.
But here, the digitised actors were too distracting,
You know that Angelina Jolie's character is naked,
Somehow something was just not right.
Because you also knew that it's not really the real naked Jolie.
Which in a way was a little disappointing.
No, really.
Oh, and samore the queen supposed to be damn beautiful,
But look like cartoon only.
You want a real photo-realistic hot babe?
Go watch that Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within
THAT chick was damn hot.
Unfortunately the rest of the movie wasn't.

The Beowulf screenplay's co-written by Neil Gaiman,
And it's pretty decent.
The dialogue a bit crappy at times,
But the adaptation was ok.
And the style suited him.
Scary, fantasy-like, lots of horror
Oh, and some dreamy sequences.
And pretty scarily gruesome parts as well.
That Grendel is damn scary ok,
And ugly too.
The dragon also damn awesome.
Spoilers your head lar,
Who donno the Beowulf story hands up!
Never mind then.
Dragon? What dragon?

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