Tuesday, 27 November 2007

When The Hitman Shits The Fan

Not a Review
Based on a video game lar.
Don't expect too much.
Shoot shoot kill kill,
Kill kill shoot shoot,
Shoot kill shoot kill,
Kill shoot kill shoot.
Nothing much in between.
But that Timothy Oliphaunt, sorry, Olyphant guy,
Quite cool also actually.
Better than in Die Hard 4.0
Very convincing as the cold, hard killer.
Look into his eyes,
And you'll KNOW he will kill you without blinking an eye.
Quite kickass too.
If he were half this bad ass in Die Hard,
He'd have destroyed the world long before John McClane got on the scene.
Chick also quite hot,
Not pretty, but hot.
Especially when she takes it all off hur hur
But then it's all censored anyway.

Action scenes not bad also.
That's about all that's good about the movie.
What's bad? Oh, lots.
Damn bloody lousy acting, especially the Russians.
If you're gonna let them speak Russian,
And that military old dude at the end is silly,
Reminded me of a tacky version of Grand Moff Tarkin.
The Interpol guy also damn annoying,
Reminded me of Mr Bean for some reason.
Or rather, Johnny English, to be exact.
Enough of all these shoot-shoot-Kill-Kill games
Bring on Frogger: The Movie (Roadkill Mania!)
Or Tetris: The Movie (The Attack of the Killer Bricks!)

No comments: