Thursday, 29 November 2007

Why Eyeris Will Probably Never Be a 'Proper' Professional Film Critic

  • I'm too easily entertained by stupid jokes
  • I usually like a movie because it's fun to watch, not because it had superb cinematography.
  • I give good grades to movies that I like because they were entertaining rather than relevant or had superior technique.
  • I give movies low grades because they bored me, even though every other critic thought it was the most relevant movie of our generation.
  • I don't have the patience to sit through long lingering shots of quivering lips and people doing menial housework.
  • I'm more interested in pop-culture than art.
  • I would watch a movie just because the poster was cool.
  • I'm too much of a biased fanboy sometimes (and who said this was a bad thing?)
  • I'm not deep enough to see important social-political messages and statements in movies like Lord of the Rings.
  • Heck, I wouldn't know a politcal subtext if it came up to me and slapped me on the face.
  • I never understand artistic movies with hidden meanings.
  • I'm always too busy oohing and ahhing at the special effects and giant robots to worry about why the story is so crap
  • I don't mind the lack of story sometimes as long as the action sequences are cool.
  • I always have too much fun watching mindless garbage like Shoot 'Em Up and Bee Movie.
  • I too much of a sucker for pre-release hype.
  • I rather watch cartoons about cars than movies about pretty washing machines.
  • I enjoy movies more when there is a hot chick in them
  • I would gladly suffer a bad movie as long as they made cool action figures out of the characters.
  • I don't understand Hungarian.
  • I'm too shallow to comprehend movies that have stupendously deep and complex plots that requires the burning of millions of little grey cells to understand and are filmed in gloriously artistic techniques to create a complex work of art that only film critics will understand.
  • I like movies that ENTERTAIN ME instead, no matter what that means.

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