Wednesday, 5 December 2007

Warning: Watching The Golden Compass May Upset You (Especially if You loved the books)



The Golden Compass.
Not a Review.
(Might have minor spoilers)
(And also change your expectations of the movie)
I got upset after the movie.
Very upset.
So upset that I started ranting at the credits,
Screaming THE PRODUCERS MUST DIE!
DIE DIE DIE!
GAAAAH!
*Breathe breathe*
Movies like this should come with a warning label.
Saying, "Watching this movie may get you very upset,
Especially if you're a big fan of the book."



I'll tell you why I got so upset later.
But now, let's recap.
Dakota Blue Richards,
Cool name, great little actress.
Nicole Kidman, oooo icy.
I wonder why they didn't get her a nude-coloured bra.
Daniel Craig must have been moonlighting as Bond during the shoot.
You only get to see him for a few minutes.
Controversy? Anti-(a certain) religion?
Huh? Got meh?
Church, Magisterium, what's the difference, eh?
Eh, isn't that Count Dooku?
Eh, isn't that the theme from James Bond?
Eh, why does that music sound like Somewhere Over the Rainbow?
Eh, what silly out-of-place music is that during the Gyptian King's speech?
Man, the music in this movie really sucks.



ARMOURED BEARS! AWESOME!
IOREK THE WHITE!
GANDALF BYRNISON!
Eh, isn't that the Bridge of Khazadum?
BEAR ON BEAR ACTION! WOO!
Er, not in the way you think.
Lee Scoresby! YEEHAA!!!
His hare daemon is damn cute!
Pantalaimon is cute too!
Daemons! I want one too!
Mine would be a squirrel.
I want a squirrel.
So we'll both HAVE and BE nuts. hehehe.



Ok back to why I got upset.
I got very very very upset,
not because it was a bad movie.
It was not a perfect adaptation,
But it was watchable, and entertaining to a point.
Until the ENDING.
It commits the cardinal sin of CHANGING THE ENDING.
With any other book you could have done that,
And it wouldn't have mattered.
But with THIS book,
There is a REASON why it's originally called NORTHERN LIGHTS.
Or maybe that's the reason why the changed it to The Golden Compass.
Bah, stupid American studios.
That's why I got upset.
So upset that I kept shouting
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GODDAMN ENDING????!!!!
Right after the movie.
Even now, I'm still upset.
First The Dark is Rising, and now this.
Maybe I should stop watching all this movies,
That are adapted from my favorite books.
Then I won't be so stress.
Now I'm scared to watch Prince Caspian.
I miss Peter Jackson. :-(


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