Saturday, 24 May 2008
Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
Not a review.
HOW COULD YOU SPIELBEEEERRRGGGG!!!!
Did I get you there?
For a second, at least?
Please lar, it's Indiana Jones,
How can he die lar.
Heck, the movie should also be known as Indiana Jones: Son of Krypton.
I doubt even kryptonite can stop him.
After what he's been through in the 4 movies,
He should be a sacred, radioactive, psychic immortal by now.
So don't worry lar, no spoilers here.
Plot-wise at least.
Nothing you don't know or guessed already anyway,
I don't know why Spielberg was so paranoid.
Secret secret plot my foot lar.
I saw the plot coming a mile away.
But then again, it's an Indiana Jones movie.
Who cares as long as you're having fun?
Of course you'll have fun, it's Indiana Jones!
This movie ain't gonna make you go I WANT THE TOY!
It ain't going to make you go HMMMM.
How it WILL make you go is this:
GO INDY GO! WHOOP! WHOOP!
Yup, it's a silly movie,
But it's great, silly, grinningly cheesy fun.
All his movies are like that wan what.
Leave your logic outside the door.
Suspend your belief,
Never mind the stupid plot
Damn the silly McGuffin,
And don't worry if you don't know why he likes Ike.
Just sit back and enjoy the wild mine cart ride.
Fer Gawds sake, it's Indiana Jones!
Indiana Jones doesn't NEED logic!
All he needs is his fedora and his whip.
Harrison Ford's timing is a bit off,
And he IS a little old now,
But he'd kick bloody Nicholas "Wannabe Indy Gates" Cage's ass anytime.
Shia IS rather annoying here though.
That Mutt-Dog link was SOOO obvious lar Stevie.
And that Tarzan thing? GAH KILL ME NOW.
That Karen Allen really DOES look damn happy, though.
All her roles in betweem this and Raiders must have really sucked, hehe.
But everytime she grinned that infectiously happy grin of hers,
I couldn't help but grin along as well.
And that Cate Blanchett really looks good in a uniform.
If only she had left a few buttons unbuttoned at the top
She'd have gotten an awesome Cleavage Rating.
Too bad about the hairstyle though.
Haven't had this much fun in a movie in ages.
It's a bit stupid, and incredulous,
And you might even be thinking "WHAT A STUPID STORY!"
But hey, it's Indiana Jones!
This is how it's supposed to be!
Just watch it, and have fun!
And besides, there's one thing I can guarantee you,
After watching the movie,
You won't be able to get that damn theme out of your head...