Monday, 25 August 2008

Dreading The Universal Wheel of Time

Lord of the Rings: Three Books, Three Movies.
The Hobbit: One Book, Two Movies.
Harry Potter: Seven Books, Eight Movies.
Wheel of Time: TWELVE FUCKING BOOKS, so HOW MANY MOVIES?

You see, Universal Pictures have apparently bought the rights to the late Robert Jordan's mind-blowing (for the first four books), mind-numbing (for the next seven) and mind-racking (for the last few books, as you struggle to remember what the fuck happened in the previous books) Wheel of Time series.

It's an undertaking that no sane person or studio should take. As Empire puts it:

"There are 11 doorstop-sized books and a prequel in the series so far. There are 1500 named characters, at least 35 of whom are important enough to get regular POV* segments. There's magic - BIG, earth-cracking magic - and every environment from tundra to desert. There are monsters and strange beings and lots of women in low-cut dresses. Frankly, no sane studio would even dream of tackling Robert Jordan's fantastic but stupidly long The Wheel of Time series."

Hear, hear. If they're smart, Universal better stick to making mindless stuff like Death Race and leave the fantasy stuff to crazier people (like that Peter Jackson, or those New Line guys).

Or at least stick to the first book, which WAS pretty good and exciting, and can probably stand alone as long as you take out all those unnecessary characters and just focus on the three boys.

You have been warned, Universal. Muck around with making a franchise out of the Wheel of Time, and you just might end up with YOUR wheels falling off.

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