Wednesday, 20 August 2008

Eat Hot Heatseeking Missile, You Bloody Mat Rempits!



Death Race.
Not a Review.
Made me wanna put armor plating on my car,
And install a couple of machine guns,
And maybe some heat-seeking missiles.
A flame thrower would look damn good on it as well.
Bloody road hogs? Hah!
EAT HOT HEAT SEEKING MISSILE, BITCH!
Pesky Mat Rempits? Bah!
ROAST IN FLAMETHROWER HELL, YOU INSIGNIFICANT INSECTS!
BUAHAHAHAHAHHA!



It's a pure guy's movie.
Fireangel won't like it,
(But Bob will, hehe)
Lots of explosions, crashes,
Gratuitous violence and gore,
Full of fast cars and... no wait.
Full of fast cars with MACHINE GUNS.
And of course, the hot navigator babes.



Natalie Martinez is freaking hot
Even though she did fuck all in the movie.
All she had to do was look hot.
And she WAS hot.
First ever Perfect 10 Cleavage Rating!
(Only because I've seen said cleavage in real life)
(she even put a voice recorder down it.)
(Now THATS one lucky voice recorder)



Story? what story?
Actors? What actors?
Oh, got Jason Statham,
That Tyrese dude,
Ian McShane of all people.
And Joan Allen too.
And Martinez, of course.
But the CARS were the main stars.



One Mustang GT with twin machine guns and a thick-ass shield,
One Dodge Ram fitted with machine guns and 2 Vulcan cannons
One Porsche 911 with four Hellfire missiles on the roof,
One Jaguar V12 with two .50 calibre M2s,
A Buick, a Chrysler, and a BMW...
And the mother of all Death Race vehicles....
The DREADNOUGHT.



The Dreadnought.
Two M134 mini-guns inside,
Two M3 high-speed .50-caliber machine guns on the hood.
Two .50-caliber machine guns,
And one PKM machine gun on top,
A freaking FLAMETHROWER in the middle,
And a fucking M1 Abrams TANK TURRET at the back.
Now that IS Hell on Wheels.
Mat Rempits beware!!!

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