Thursday, 7 August 2008

Help! The Clones Are Killing Star Wars!

Star Wars: Clone Wars
Not a Review.
Yes, it's a Star Wars movie.
Showing in the CINEMA.
THE Star Wars.
And yes, it's a cartoon.
But not THAT Clone Wars cartoon though,
Not the Genndy guy's Samurai Jack Clone Wars.
Which IMHO was WAAAAY better than this one.
But more on that later.

This one kinda sucked.
Stop milking it dry already, George.
Star Wars is so last century already.
And stop making those damn toys already.
Some parts of this was like a video game cutscene,
From one of those old 90's video games.
The Animation was THAT bad.
Especially when people were talking.

Ok, it wasn't THAT bad actually.
Because the action was good.
The animated action sequences were damn cool.
It's everything a Star Wars action scene should be.
Especially the lightsaber fights,
And the space battles.
I could do without all those annoying droids though,
Who were like robot versions of Jar Jar Binks.

THIS Anakin is actually less irritating than the real one.
You know you're a lousy actor,
When your cartoon version is much better than you are.
Obi Wan was so-so.
Yoda looked a bit funny.
But I kinda like that Ahsoka kid,
Plucky little Padawan Twi'lek kid,
Holds her lightsaber in a pretty cool way too.

Asajj Ventress was cool though.
I've always liked her,
Thank god they didn't put her in the live action movies,
And spoil her awesome awesomeness.
Jabba The Hutt is UGLY.
But that baby Hutt is damn cute.
Count Dooku looks like a mushroom though.
And Yoda looks like a green smurf.

It's Star Wars,
Which unfortunately means the dialogue was AWFUL.
I thought if Lucas was not directing maybe it'll be better.
The script sucked like hell.
Not as epic fail as that stupid 'I hate sand' line in AOTC,
But still got some pretty bad lines.
Wonder how they got them to say that shit.

This one is supposed to be an intro to the new TV show,
But based on this I'm really looking forward to that lor.
I still prefer the Genddy Samurai Jack Clone Wars.
That one is damn stylo-milo, and cool as hell.
This one a bit too straightforward and stiff
Especially when they're talking,
It's like a badly-dubbed anime show.
Good luck trying to beat WALL-E next week, George.

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