Friday, 30 May 2008

The Moscow Memoirs: Great Balls of Iron Inside The Kremlin

Yay! And back to Moscow we go!

This... is the Kremlin. As seen from outside its walls, at the Red Square.



That tower is called the Spasskaya Tower, and has nothing to do with kaya bread or anything. It's also known as the Savior's Tower and Gate, and is the most recognisable of the Kremlin's towers. No, really. I can't tell the OTHER towers apart, and there are about 20 of them altogether.

Here's a closer look:



Ok, enough of the tower. let's go inside, shall we?

This is a cannon inside the Kremlin:



And THIS, is the MOTHER OF ALL CANNONS:



that's the Czar's Cannon, and it's the LARGEST CANNON IN THE WORLD. It's so large that it's never been fired, and legend has it it was built to intimidate their enemies into giving up. Something like, "Yo you over there. My gun is bigger than yours. Give up already."

How big is it? Well, check out the size of the people standing next to it, and you'll have an idea how humongous it actually is:



HOLY GREAT BALLS OF IRON, BATMAN! Check out the SIZE of them! Like, "Yo you over there, I've got BIGGER BALLS than you do. Want a taste of em?"

And since we're on the subject of size, here's the biggest bell in the world:



Yes, that dude next to it IS standing next to it. THAT's how big this bell is. It weighs a whopping 200 tons, but it is now cracked and broken, so of course we never got to hear it toll. And this is the part that cracked:



That broken fragment alone weighs bloody 11.5 tons. Phew!

Ok, that's all for the Kremlin. No, really. Those were the most interesting parts. There WAS a lot more inside, but due to the fact that it was raining, I was rushing to go to the Luzhniki Stadium, I didn't get to see that much. Besides, it was mostly churches, cathedrals and so on anyway, so I can't be bothered to post all that here.

Next up, Russian booze! WOOT WOOT! HIC!

Thursday, 29 May 2008

Reviewing Reviews of My Reviews

I'll be the first to admit that I'm no film critic. I don't know much about film-making techniques, cinematografifi, and I certainly am not qualified to analyse a film from the inside out. Heck, I'm just someone who likes watching movies for the fun of it, and just happens to occasionally write 'reviews' about it to encourage/discourage people to/from watch/watching it.

I tend to write my 'reviews' (and by that, I mean the reviews I do in my day job, not the Not-Reviews I do in the blog) based on whether I liked the movie or not. You see, when I think a movie is a good watch, I'd like more people to watch it. And if I think a movie is crap, I would prefer no one watches it so that it bombs and no one ever makes a sequel of it *coughAVPcough*.

Sure, I get a lot of people disagreeing with what I wrote - the Wilful Sunflower, for instance, read my review and went to watch Prince Caspian based on what I wrote... she ended up being er... upset with the movie because she didn't think it was as good as I thought it was (in my defence, I never said it was good. I just said it was decent, and better than a lot of other adaptations out there. HEHEHE).

But that's just it. People go to movies for different reasons and expect different things. I loved Indiana Jones 4 for all its cheesiness and fun adventure, and was willing to overlook the stupid Tarzan and alien shit. Others weren't, one friend even calling it a 'shit film'.

I hated Speed Racer because it felt so utterly forced and unreal even for a movie based on a cartoon; while others hailed it as a masterpiece of turning anime into live-action. I liked Cloverfield because of its unique perspective that allowed you to be INSIDE the movie itself; others just threw up while wathcing it.

Anyway, my point is, everyone has their own opinions of movies they watch, and I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with the 'reviews' I write. So when people disagree with my positive reviews, or complain about my negative reviews, I usually take it with a pinch of salt and say, "Well, I liked it, if you didn't, too bad lor."

What I CANNOT stand is people implying that I wrote those reviews just because I got sent to cover the premiere, or got to watch the movie for free, or the distributers bribed me with movie posters.

Well then, SCREW YOU, HIPPIE. You don't agree with the review, FINE. Don't go around implying that I wasn't being objective, because that's like the BIGGEST INSULT you could give me, and I don't get insulted very easily. So yeah, go screw yourself, go to hell, and THEN die. But thanks for giving me something to blog about anyway. Heh.

Holy Sissy Milk Ad, Batman!

How do you turn the coolest, darkest, baddest, meanest, most kick-ass superhero into a sissy?



Give him some milk.



WTF. Way to go, Batman. Now THAT will surely have the bad guys quivering in their boots. The Joker would have had a field day with this with all the cereal killer jokes.

PS... I have to admit that bat logo with the milk splatters was a nice touch though. heh.

Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Del Toro and Jackson Talk The Hobbit and other Pop Culture Odds and Sods

I'm busy. So in case you're here looking for some lame jokes, inane comments, some fawning over obsure indie bands or even some Kremlin photos, you won't get them.

But if you're REALLY that hard up of something to read, you can always go HERE to check out what Peter Jackson AND Guillermo Del Toro have got to say about the upcoming The Hobbit movies.



Or if you're too lazy to go through the ENTIRE transcript, you can check out some photos of some generic looking buildings that are supposed to be part of the Transformers 2 set HERE.

Or maybe you'd like to read about how the Batman is actually John Connor, and is married to Charlotte Gainsbourg instead of Claire Danes.

Or failing that, just ogle at the digital ass in the poster of the upcoming Witchblade movie.

Monday, 26 May 2008

The Worlds Hottest Street Fighter Returns As Lana Lang!

Remember this chick?



No? How about THIS scene then?



Yup, it's Chun Li, and come 2009, everyone's favorite female Chinese street fighter will now be immortalised in her very own live action movie, entitled Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li!

And here's the very first picture of the girl herself!



Er....

Oh wait, that's actually Ming Na Wen from the 1994 version of Street Fighter. You know, that godawful B-grade movie that had Jean Claude Van Dammit as Guile and Kylie MiNOOOOOOgue as Cammy. I still wish I could give the filmmakers of THAT movie a good Syo-ryu-ken in the face and a big ass Hadouken up the ass..

Anyway, here's the REAL Chun Li in the upcoming movie, played by the extremely hot and not-very-Chinese-looking Lana Lan... er... Kristin Kreuk!


(Picture & news taken from ComingSoon.net)

Well, she's hot, I'll give her that. Whether the movie will be good or not is another point of debate. So far the only other significant cast member that's been announced is Michael Clarke Duncan as Balrog (er... let's hope he's gonna be the boxer Balrog, not the Spanish pretty boy in a mask who was originally called Balrog in the original Japanese SFII game, or that would be a the greatest case of miscasting in movie history), and Neal McDonough as M. Bison. Yawn.

Ryu and Ken will be in, of course, and maybe Vega too, but no one has been cast in those roles yet.

Oh well, at least we already have Kreuk in it, and we'll get to do some ogling. Hopefully her costume is sexy enough to give a Cleavage Rating hur hur.

And besides, I'll be happy as long as it doesn't have her dressing up like in a costume doing THIS:



Oh dear oh dear.

The Moscow Memoirs: The Colourful Candy Cathedral

"Have fun in Moscow, and take lots of pictures of that colorful candy building!"

That was my friend Su Yin telling me what to do in Moscow.

And this here, is that 'candy building' - St Basil's Cathedral in Moscow's famous Red Square:



This building is the first thing that will catch your eye as soon as you enter the vicinity of the Red Square.

You can't miss it, it's the most awesomely beautiful building in the area, and besides, with everything else a drab red in the so-called 'red square' (which actually means 'beautiful square' in Russian) the colours of the cathedral stand out even more.

Its name is actually the Pokrovsky Sobor, or Cathedral of the Intercession of the Virgin on the Moat; and judging from that mouthful of a name, it's perhaps good that it is also known as St. Basil's Cathedral as well, or I'd be cramping up my fingers just by typing that name out here.

Anyway, this here is the front entrance of St Basil's:



It reminded me of a theme park castle more than a cathedral, to tell the truth. For a cathedral built by someone with a fear-inspiring name such as Ivan the Terrible, this is probalby THE MOST colourful cathedral I have EVER SEEN.

I mean, check out the different coloured domes!



It might as well have been built by Ivan the Terribly Sugar-High Candy Lover instead.

Anyway, we were not allowed to take pictures inside the cathedral (some parts were just as colourful as the outside as well), so here are a couple more pictures of the cathedral outside instead.

This here is the monument to Minin and Pozharsky, and commemorates the banishing of the Poles from Moscow in 1812.



And if you look at the picture below, you can see te famous Kremlin bell tower looming in the background....



..which serves as a preview of the upcoming post on... The Kremlin!

Saturday, 24 May 2008

INDIANA JONES WEEK: WHEE! WHOOPIE! YEEHA! WOOHOO!! GO INDY GO!!!



Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
Not a review.
WHAT???!!???!!???
INDY DIESSSSSS?????
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
HOW COULD YOU SPIELBEEEERRRGGGG!!!!
.....
...
..
Yeah right.
AHAHAHA.



Did I get you there?
For a second, at least?
Please lar, it's Indiana Jones,
How can he die lar.
Heck, the movie should also be known as Indiana Jones: Son of Krypton.
I doubt even kryptonite can stop him.
After what he's been through in the 4 movies,
He should be a sacred, radioactive, psychic immortal by now.



So don't worry lar, no spoilers here.
Plot-wise at least.
Nothing you don't know or guessed already anyway,
I don't know why Spielberg was so paranoid.
Secret secret plot my foot lar.
I saw the plot coming a mile away.
But then again, it's an Indiana Jones movie.
Who cares as long as you're having fun?



Of course you'll have fun, it's Indiana Jones!
This movie ain't gonna make you go I WANT THE TOY!
It ain't going to make you go HMMMM.
How it WILL make you go is this:
WOOHOO! YEEEEHA!
WHOPPIEEEE! WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
GO INDY GO! WHOOP! WHOOP!



Yup, it's a silly movie,
But it's great, silly, grinningly cheesy fun.
All his movies are like that wan what.
Leave your logic outside the door.
Suspend your belief,
Never mind the stupid plot
Damn the silly McGuffin,
And don't worry if you don't know why he likes Ike.
Just sit back and enjoy the wild mine cart ride.



Fer Gawds sake, it's Indiana Jones!
Indiana Jones doesn't NEED logic!
All he needs is his fedora and his whip.
Harrison Ford's timing is a bit off,
And he IS a little old now,
But he'd kick bloody Nicholas "Wannabe Indy Gates" Cage's ass anytime.
Shia IS rather annoying here though.
That Mutt-Dog link was SOOO obvious lar Stevie.
And that Tarzan thing? GAH KILL ME NOW.



That Karen Allen really DOES look damn happy, though.
All her roles in betweem this and Raiders must have really sucked, hehe.
But everytime she grinned that infectiously happy grin of hers,
I couldn't help but grin along as well.
And that Cate Blanchett really looks good in a uniform.
If only she had left a few buttons unbuttoned at the top
She'd have gotten an awesome Cleavage Rating.
Too bad about the hairstyle though.



Haven't had this much fun in a movie in ages.
It's a bit stupid, and incredulous,
And you might even be thinking "WHAT A STUPID STORY!"
But hey, it's Indiana Jones!
This is how it's supposed to be!
Just watch it, and have fun!
And besides, there's one thing I can guarantee you,
After watching the movie,
You won't be able to get that damn theme out of your head...

Monday, 19 May 2008

NASDROVIA!



NASDROVIA!!!!



Eye on Everything will be on a break for around 5 days while eyeris flies halfway around the world to watch some silly, insignificant football match while drinking lots of vodka and beer.

And no, there will be no hot angels on fire tagging along for the trip. DAMN.

Friday, 16 May 2008

INDIANA JONES WEEK: A Short and Round Tribute to The Best Sidekick an Adventurer Could Have!

I made a huge boo-boo in the last post. In my rush to shower praise on Indiana Jones himself, I forgot to mention his greatest and still most endearing sidekick of all time....

SHORT ROUND!!!!
(He's that funny Chinese kid in Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom, Indy noob)

Now, here's one character I REALLY wish they'd included in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. HE would have kicked Shia LeBeouf's ass anytime (especially since he is now apparently a martial artist who's worked with Jet Li before...).

Though since the new movie is set in 1957, 19 years - no scratch that, TWENTY-TWO YEARS AFTER the events in Temple of Doom, that would make Short Round er... not very short anymore.

Anyway, in a bid to correct my mistake in the previous post, I have dedicated today's Indiana Jones Week post to the most endearing and the best sidekick an adventurer/archaeologist can have by compiling a list of his best ever quotes in the movie (as taken from IMDB, of course...)

Take it away, Shorty!

------------------------------------------------

"I'm very little! You cheat very big!"

"He no nuts, he's crazy!"

"I keep telling you, you listen to me more, you live longer!"

"Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love. We've got company."



Short Round: Wow! Holy Smoke! Crash landing!
Indiana Jones: Short Round, step on it.
Short Round: Okey dokey, Dr. Jones. Hold on to your potatoes!

Willie: Willie is my professional name, Indiana.
Short Round: Hey, lady! You call him Dr. Jones!

(Indy and Short Round are exploring a cavern)
Short Round: Feels like I step on fortune cookie!
Indiana Jones: It's not fortune cookies. Let me take a look.
(Indy lights a lighter to find bugs crawling all over the place)
Short Round: That no cookie!

(Indy and Short Round are trapped in a room)
Indiana Jones: Stop! Look, just - stand against the wall, will ya?
(Short Round stands against the wall, springing a trap)
Short Round: You say to stand against the wall! I listen to what you say! Not my fault! Not my fault!

Indiana Jones:
Stay behind me, Short Round. Step where I step, and don't touch anything.
(Short Round touches a lamp. A door falls open, with two dessicated mummies falling out. Short Round yells and backpedals)
Short Round: I step where you step! I touch nothing!

"Wake up, Indy! You're my best friend! Wake up, Indy!"


------------------------------------------------------------


And in case you were wondering what became of Jonathan Ke Quan, or what else he did... well, he was also in The Goonies, along within Sean 'Samwise Gamgee' Astin...



And apparently his most recent film was in 2002, in this Hong Kong movie called Second Time Around, where he acted alongside Ekin 'Formerly Known as Noodle" Cheng....



Yeah, he ain't looking very short NOR round anymore, eh?

Thursday, 15 May 2008

INDIANA JONES WEEK: Why Indiana Jones is AWESOME!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is opening next Thursday... but unfortunately I won't be able to catch the preview before that because I'll be halfway across the world on the way to the vodka-swilling capital of the world at the time...

Yes, I'm quite upset about missing the opening of the show, especially since I can only watch it NEXT FRIDAY with NORMAL PEOPLE.... ahaha.

But anyway, I hereby declare this weeks "INDIANA JONES WEEK' on EoE, and shall have a couple of posts on the Fedora-Wearing One coming up soon... But first, for those of you too er... young to even REMEMBER the last Indiana Jones movie, here's a short list of why the guy is so damn AWESOME...



Why Indiana Jones Is Awesome

  • THAT HAT! THAT HAT!
  • THAT WHIP! THAT WHIP!

  • He's got an awesome theme song!

  • He has a Lego toy of himself!

  • He doesn't waste time with all that kung-fu mumbo jumbo. when confronted by a hostile swordsman, he just fecking shoots'em.

  • He can outrun HUGE ROLLING BOULDERS!

  • He's Han Solo, Rick Deckard, Jack Ryan and Dr. Richard Kimble all rolled into one!

  • His father is the greatest James Bond ever!

  • He can spell 'Jehovah' with an 'I'!

  • He kissed a Nazi and survived!
  • He kissed Steven Spielberg's wife and survived!

  • He named himself after a dog!

  • He hates snakes! (I donno why this is awesome but who cares...)

  • He can fly planes! (but not land them...)

  • Even Kermit the frog and Mr Potatohead want to be him!

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

Hunt Down Them Bloody Library Book Thieves, Godammit!

Opened Sharon Bakar's blog this morning and read about this:

Errant borrowers fail to return more than 6,400 books to library

JOHOR BARU: The reading campaign here seems to be successful, judging from the high number of books borrowed from the Sultan Ismail Library here. But when it comes to honesty on the part of the borrowers, it is another story altogether. Of the 6,471 books borrowed from the library, only 40 have been returned.


What Le Feck? Only FORTY out of 6417 books returned? Do Johoreans even KNOW the concept of a LIBRARY?

What were they thinking?

  • "Oooo, look it's a place with books you can take out for free and all you have to do is give them some sort of card."

  • "Oooo, free books! I think I'll go get a free book go choose the most expensive looking book and keep at home and collect dust."

  • "Eh, why this place giving out free stacks of paper ha? Samore got system to 'return' the what they call booku booku. Don't care lah, just take and recycle la! can get money samore!"

Heck, they even have to have a “Compassionate Book Return Month” just to get those idiots to return the books!

Book-return month at Sultan Ismail Library

JOHOR BARU: The Sultan Ismail Library is organising the “Compassionate Book Return Month” from May 2 to June 1. The two-month campaign will nullify any penalties or fines of those who returned borrowed books late. It is to encourage borrowers to return borrowed books to increase the library’s stock.



I say FORGET about being compassionate lar. The more 'compassionate' you are, the more they will take the books for granted. I say Start a state-wide MANHUNT (or rather, BOOKhunt) and TRACK DOWN those idiots who STOLE the books, and then charge them with THEFT instead. THEN maybe they'll learn to respect books and libraries as well.

SHEEEEESH. And you wonder why libraries suck so badly in Malaysia.

11 Reasons Why PPS Still Rocks Even After all These Years

I've been pinging my posts in Project Petaling Street (PPS to you, noobs) for more than three years now, and frankly speaking, IMHO, it's still THE best blog agregator in the Malaysian Blogosphere, despite the recent 'rise' of newer, more er... flashy and more canggih agregators.

Here's why:

  1. All the REAL bloggers THAT MATTER, ping PPS. Yes, including me. MUAHAHAHA!

  2. It has a more complete picture of what the Malaysian blogosphere is about, because it doesn't just include bloggers from a certain ad agency, but everyone else as well.

  3. No fancy design needed (heck, the basic design has changed in what, two years?). All it has is just good quality bloggers pinging it.

  4. It doesn't discriminate, doesn't delete your ping (unless you're a spammer lar), and doesn't care if you're talking shit about it. Heck, even Shadowfox can ping it!

  5. The juvenile ones tend to stay away from it, probably because there are no colours and fancy design to look at.

  6. It pretty much takes care of itself, and the regular PPS-ers love it, police it, and take care of it as well.

  7. It had THE BEST Blogger Party (yes, STILL THE BEST) EVAR! And no pajamas were involved!

  8. It doesn't have some stupid dang-nang system that can be manipulated to elevate your own posts into some 'top ten' list to get more hits.

  9. I get more hits from ONE SINGLE NORMAL PPS PING than one day spent on a certain 'Top Posts' list.

  10. Your ping stays on the front page (granted, it only HAS one page) for hours and hours and hours!

  11. It's so popular that even free redtubeporn spammers are spamming it with free porn downloads!



BTW, Aizuddin, you rock! You got rid of the spammer! HOORAY!

Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Just This Once, Go Watch Once. At Least Once.



Once.
Not a Review.
A little indie flick,
A simple musical,
With no dancing,
No stupid costumes,
No thrills,
No frills,
No explosions,
And no actors who can half-sing,
Only musicians who can half-act.



Just a guy,
And a girl,
No names.
A vacuum cleaner, fixed.
A beat up guitar, unfixed.
And some wonderful music.
Which made me sorta wanna learn to play the guitar,
And it made me immedietely go buy the soundtrack.



My favorite scene:
Two people.
A guitar + a piano.
Two voices,
In perfect harmony.
Tender verses,
A soaring chorus,
Falling slowly into bliss.
And rising to Oscar glory.



Go watch Once.
At least once.
And once you're done,
Watch it once more, maybe.
For once in your lifetime,
Just this once, take a chance.
You won't regret it, not even once.

Monday, 12 May 2008

Prince Caspian Wipes The Floor With High King Peter



Prince Caspian.
or The Chronicles of Narnia 2, Narnia noobs.
Not a review.
My favorite Narnia book.
(Chronologically, it's the third book in the series, Narnia noobs)
And so far my favourite Narnia movie.
Not spectacular,
Not exactly mind-boggling.
But at least it was entertaining.
And not as bland as the first.
And I didn't want to scream at the screen after the movie.
And I didn't want to kill the film makers either.



Somehow I always imagined Prince Caspian to be more of a kid,
Donno why.
Ben Barnes is pretty good though.
He was the young Dunstan Thorne in Stardust, remember?
A bit wimpy at parts,
But girls will love him.
He's WAAAY better than that sissy Peter.
(That's HIGH KING Peter to you, Narnia noobs)
Heck, even EDMUND was better than Peter.



The four kids still can't act though.
Ok Lucy was still ok (she's a kid)
Peter damn kayu.
Edmund slightly less kayu.
Susan was so-so.
Cleavage rating: 4.
She doesn't show much.
And she isn't THAT hot in the first place anyway.
But she DOES look good when wielding a weapon though.
Hur hur.



Effects not bad though.
The battle was more memorable than the first movie.
Centaurs look better, so do the minotaurs.
Not enough Bulgy Bear though.
I didn't even see him sucking his paws.
But Trufflehunter was cool.
(that's the badger, Narnia noobs)
And Aslan was... well, Aslan.
(and that's the Lion, Narnia no.. you get the picture)
Oh, and REEPICHEEP!
REEPICHEEP IS AWESOME.


(Yes, this is Reepicheep, Narnia noobs)

And speaking of the noble mouse,
They even left in my favorite scene.
The one with him and his tail.
Story was pretty much faithful to book.
Except for one two parts.
Castle Siege my foot lar.
The bad guy a bit too much though.
Looks like King Leonidas.
His helmet also got beard wan, ahahaha.
But I DID recognise a lot more scenes from the book,
More than I did with the first movie.
Which is a good thing.



It's still a Narnia story though.
As in, kiddy, predictable, and of course, Christian-ny.
(Because Lewis's books were very Christian-ny, Narnia noobs)
THOU SHALT BELIEVE IN ASLAN.
THOU SHALT NOT WORSHIP PAGAN WHITE WITCHES.
THOU MUST HAVE FAITH AND ASLAN WILL HELP YOU.
THOU WILL HAVE PROOF THAT ASLAN IS AROUND IF THOU HAS FAITH
THOU MUST BELIEVE IN ASLAN OR THOU WILL BE ROARED UPON
Oh dear, poor D.L.F.
(That's Dear Little Friend, aka. Trumpkin, Narnia noobs)


(Trumpkin's the one on the left, Narnia noob)

Funny, that.
I never noticed how Christian-ny the story was when reading it.
But it becomes more pronounced when you watch it on screen.
And it's more Christian-ny than the first one too.
Maybe people made such a big fuss in the first one,
That he toned THAT one down.
But for this one no one cared anymore,
So they just followed the story.
Which somehow turned out to be more Christian-ny than the first.
Haiyor don't think so much lar.
Just watch it for fun lar.
Sheesh.