Monday, 29 December 2008

The Spirit Is The New Silly City



The Spirit
Not a Review
A little too late for Shadowfox.
Who had to flame me twice before I got around to this.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Review also kena complain.
Tak review also kena complain.
Haih.
(But go check out the second post)
(Got awesome videos of Transformers making out LOL)



Anyway.... Don't waste your money on this.
This is the sort of film you watch on DVD.
PIRATED DVD.
Because then you wouldn't be cursing non-reviewers like me
That you wasted RM11 on this stupid movie.
And at least if you're watching DVD,
You can skip the part where it gets really silly.



Because it IS silly.
Remember that stupid Dick Tracy movie,
With Warren Beatty and Madonna?
Imagine that... made in Sin City style.
Damn stupid silly kooky funny.
Some parts quite funny lar.
But most parts quite awful.



OK, the chicks were hot though
Bloody Scarlett and Eva's cleavage ratings were off the charts.
That Ellen chick look damn aunty though.
And that Plaster of Paris was damn funny.
But what IS with The Spirit and women?
All those women and not a single topless one WTF.



Imagine a Frank Miller comic,
Done as a movie.
All the Sin City narration,
The lead character talking to himself,
The hot chicks, the stupid villains...
It's enough to make you wonder...
If the damn comics were any good in the first place. haha.

Friday, 26 December 2008

The 2008 Eyeris Movie Awards!

(The title should be self-explanatory right? The links lead to the Movie-Not-Reviews for each movie... enjoy!)


----------------------------------------------------

Top Ten Favorite Movies Of The Year:




1) WALL-E
2) The Dark Knight
3) Hellboy II: The Golden Army
4) Iron Man
5) Tropic Thunder
6) Kungfu Panda
7) Wanted
8) Cloverfield
9) Ip Man
10) The Spiderwick Chronicles


----------------------------------------------------

Favorite 2007 movies that only came here in 2008:



1) Once
2) No Country For Old Men
3) Sweeney Todd


----------------------------------------------------

The Extremely Bias Award for Best Animated Feature:



1) WALL-E
2) Bolt
3) Kungfu Panda
4) Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who


----------------------------------------------------

The WTF Were They Thinking Award for Worst Movies of 2008:



1) The Happening
2) Forbidden Kingdom
3) Kinta
4) Max Payne
5) Speed Racer
6) Twilight
7) The Spirit
8) Disaster Movie
9) Star Wars: The Clone Wars


----------------------------------------------------

The When I Grow Up I Wanna Be Like Him Award For Coolest Character:



1) The Joker (The Dark Knight)
2) Tony Stark (Iron Man)
3) Ip Man (Ip Man)


----------------------------------------------------

The Wooden Plank Award For Most Kayu Performance:



1) Mark Wahlberg (The Happening)
2) Mark Wahlberg (Max Payne)
3) Keanu "Kayu" Reeves (The Day The Earth Stood Still)


----------------------------------------------------

The Panadol Award for Most Headache Inducing Movie:



1) Cloverfield
2) Speed Racer
3) Vantage Point


----------------------------------------------------

The Lucas-and-Spielberg-Raped-Indy-Jones Award for a Chronic Waste of a Perfectly Good Franchise:



1) Indiana Jones and The Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull
2) X-Files: I Want To Believe
3) Star Wars: The Clone Wars
4) Quantum of Solace
5) The Incredible Hulk


----------------------------------------------------

The Joker Award for Most Quotable Quotes of the Year:



1) WHY. SO. SERIOUS? (The Dark Knight)
2) What the fuck have YOU done lately? (Wanted)
3) GET SOME! (Tropic Thunder)


----------------------------------------------------

The Stupid Lamb award for Worst Lines of Dialogue in a Movie:



Boy: "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."
Girl: "What a stupid lamb."
Boy: "What a masochistic lion."
Audience: *gurgle gurgle gah... urk...*
(Twilight)


----------------------------------------------------

The Monyet Award for Stupidest scene in a movie



Shia Lebeouf & The CGI Monkeys (Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull)


----------------------------------------------------

The Buy N' Large Award for Most Blatant Product Placement



The entire continent of Australia (Australia)

Wednesday, 24 December 2008

Eyeris' 2008 TV List: Acquired TV Addicts Unite!

We are now officially one week away from the end of the year, so what better day to kick off EoE's annual Best of The Year lists, eh?

Let's start off with the best TV shows of the year, shall we? Why TV? It's the easiest list to come up with, and since I didn't read THAT many books this year, watched way too many movies AND listened to too many songs, at least the TV shows are easier to remember. hehe. Plus I'd already done it once before already anyway HAHAHAHA.

-------------------------------------------------

Top Ten Favorite Shows of 2008



  1. Dexter (S03) - It was good before, but this season was completely AWESOME.
  2. Life (S02) - Sarah Shahi. Sighhhhh...
  3. Chuck (S02) - Yvonne Strahovski. Sigghhhhh....
  4. Pushing Daisies (S02) - Sweetest, most craftily written series this season. RIP. :-(
  5. House MD (S05) - House! Woohoo!
  6. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (S02) - Summer Glau! Sigghhhhh
  7. The Mentalist (S01)- Didn't like it at first, but it grows on you.
  8. Transformers Animated (S01&02) - The best Transformers cartoon since G1!
  9. True Blood (S01) - Anna Paquin topless. Need I say more?
  10. Flight Of The Conchords (Season 1) - The hiphopapotomus! Utterly hilarious.
Notable mentions:

  • Fringe (Season 1)
  • Bones (Season 4)
  • Mad Men (Season 2)
  • Californication (Season 2)
  • South Park (Season 12)
  • The Amazing Race Asia (Season 3)
  • My Own Worst Enemy (RIP)
  • Star Wars: The Clone Wars
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (Season 9)
--------------------------------------

Top Five Coolest Male Characters:



  1. Charlie Crews (Life)
  2. Dexter Morgan (Dexter)
  3. Dr. Gregory House (House MD)
  4. Patrick Jane (The Mentalist)
  5. John Casey (Chuck)

--------------------------------------

Top Five Hottest Female Characters:



  1. Dani Reese (Life)
  2. Sarah Walker (Chuck)
  3. Dr. Camille "Cam" Saroyan (Bones)
  4. Cameron Phillips (Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles)
  5. Sookie Stackhouse (True Blood)
--------------------------------------

Top Five Most Hated Characters:

  1. The idiots who cancelled Pushing Daisies and My Own Worst Enemy. Get rid of Heroes and give me back the Piehole, godammit!
  2. That arrogant, brash and downright obnoxious Filipino guy who had a damn hot chick with him throughout the show (The Amazing Race Asia)
  3. That whiny brat who is supposed to be the saviour of all mankind (Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles)
  4. That scientist dude who is so whiny that even when he had powers, all he did was whine even more. Why the hell is he still in the show anyway? (Heroes)
  5. The annoying, smug-faced young guy who does nothing but do errands and make sarcastic remarks about eveything his father does. (Fringe)

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

The Hawk Is Howling And Landing In KL!

MOGWAI!

IN MALAYSIA!

21 JANUARY!

AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!


MUSICLARITY: Jiwang Tuesday #6 (The One With Mat Jiwang Yang Pandai Eja)

Hendak menubuhkan band jiwang tapi tak erti eja nama band?
NO PROBLEM!
Ambillah satu perkataan Ingeris dan tukarkannya kepada huruf-huruf atau nombor-nombor. Contohnya... 4U2C... XPDC...

Nak tulis lagu tapi tak pandai tulis lirik?
NO PROBLEM!
Ambiklah satu perkataan,
Dan tulis lirik mengikut huruf-huruf dalam perkataan itu!
Contoh:

Cubalah kau meneka lirikku ini,
Ini memang lirik yang luar biasa.
Nanti kau cuba nyanyilah bersama.
Takkan kau lupa lirikku ini
Adakah lirikku ini senang di nyanyi?

Tip terakhir... sudah ada lagu tapi takde nama untuk lagu tu?
No Problem!
Ambik satu perkataan,
Contohnya 'Cinta'
Lepas tu... buat macam budak kecik dan EJA perkataan tu!
Contohnye...

Acquisition: XPDC - C.I.N.T.A.

DISCLAIMER: All the mp3s available here are for sampling purposes only. So don't be an irresponsible pirate - if you really like the songs, be sure to buy the album also, ok? BTW, if you have a problem with the mp3s I've listed on the blog and want me to take them down, please email me at eyeriz@gmail.com, and I'll remove it at once.


Previous Jiwang Tuesday posts:

Monday, 22 December 2008

MUSICLARITY: A Return To The Lord Of The Rings With a Symphony

Eyeris and orchestra usually doesn't mix. Unless the orchestra is playing some emo rock music which I doubt will sound very emo once the trombones and tubas hit. But last week, I actually went for a performance by the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra, and I LOVED it.

Why? It was THE LORD OF THE RINGS.

Yup, I went for the MPO's performance of the Lord Of The Rings Symphony last Saturday, and it was AWESOME. Hey I actually bought a suit especially for the show ok? Ok, maybe now ESPECIALLY for the show, but it was a good excuse to get a suit anyway. LOL.

Now, I'm a HUGE fan of the movies (AND the books, of course) and I've listened to the entire soundtrack so many times that I could practically tell you which scene it was played in and who was doing what or saying what when that particular strain of music was playing. So if you're not really familiar with the movies or the music, you might get a little bit lost in the following paragraphs. LOL.

Anyway, that was what I was doing at the MPO the other day... imagining scenes from the movie as the music floated around me... and as Alan Howe's conceptual drawings were shown on the screen above the orchestra.

My personal favorite moments was when they started off with the oh-so-familiar Concerning Hobbits, I tell you, that theme jsut gets a tear in my eye everytime I hear it. And of course, the grandeur of The Bridge Of Khazad-Dum (that last bit after Gandalf fell, and the fellowship was outside crying was heartbreaking. The kid soloist who sang that bit was excellent), and The Ring Goes South, with the Fellowship theme so prominent in both... it really WAS like watching the movie all over again.

And oh course, the ROHAN theme... that's like my FAVORITE of all the themes, and I was absolutely THRILLED to hear Forth Eorlingas (the Rohan theme is never more grand than in this piece, plus when soloist Ann De Renais sang that bit where Gandalf and the Rohirrim were riding down the hilll it was just magical.) being played, AND followed by Isengard Unleashed, which had that little bit where the Ents were marching towards Orthanc...

My only disappointment was that they played the Steward of Gondor piece, but at the very very end, where it should have led into Minas Tirith (which is the part where Gandalf and Pippin are riding up the city)... they just went into Cirith Ungol instead. It was like being teased and teased with the Gondor theme... and then not getting the payoff in the soaring Minas Tirith piece.

But heck, when Ann De Renais sang Into The West in the end, all was forgiven... Now I wanna watch the movies AND read the books again. Sigh...

Aquisitions:
OST Lord Of The Rings: The Return of The King - Minas Tirith

DISCLAIMER: All the mp3s available here are for sampling purposes only. So don't be an irresponsible pirate - if you really like the songs, be sure to buy the album also, ok? BTW, if you have a problem with the mp3s I've listed on the blog and want me to take them down, please email me at eyeriz@gmail.com, and I'll remove it at once.

Wednesday, 17 December 2008

Baz Luhrmann's Visit Australia Year 2009 Ad Campaign!



Australia.
Not a review.
ARGH SO LONG.
WHY NOT YET FINISH WAN.
Oh it's finishing oledi.
ARGH NOT YET FINISH.
Oh wait, NOW it's finished.
ARGH STILL NOT YET FINISH.
Oh there's the ending.
ARGH GAH GAH NOT YET FINIIIIIISSSHHHHH.



Ok lar, the movie wasn't THAT bad
Just too damn fucking long.
About 45 minutes or so too long, to be exact.
Baz Luhrmann should have cut off the ENTIRE third act.
Then it would have been MUCH better.
The cowboy bits were especially kewl.
And some of the bombing scenes too.




As expected, there's a lot of soap-operatic melodrama
And a lot of it was like a VISIT AUSTRALIA YEAR 2009 ad.
Oh look we have kangaroos!
And look, we have canyons!
And beautiful landscapes!
And Chinese people!
And all our men say "Crikey"!



Nicole was ok.
Still good looking.
But a bit old oledi leh.
Cleavage rating: 6.
A bit over-the top and kayu,
And I don't understand...
Why did he cast an Australian as an Englishwoman?



Oh and Hugh Jackman.
I think none of the women in the crowd can remember the movie.
Just Hugh Jackman. LOL.
I swear I heard a collective sigh go up,
When he appeared in his suit and clean-shaven.
And when he was soaping himself down.
Good grief.



Oh look it's them kangaroos.
And Boab trees.
But where're the koalas, eh?
It ain't a movie about Australi without them Koalas!
And I demand to see the Sydney Opera house!
And Ayer's Rock!
Oh wait, it's called Uluru now.
Oh well...

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Be Calm and Cool Like Ip Man, And KICK SOME ASS While You're At It



Ip Man
葉問

Not a Review.
No, no, no, it's not I-P Man
It's YEEP MANN
It's about this Wing Chun sifu,
Not some stupid superhero called Internet Protocol Man
Who flies around fighting cybercrime.
It's a KUNGFU MOVIE.
And it's BLOODY AWESOME.



Ok I'm not saying that because I actually spoke to Donnie Yen,
Who is also AWESOME BTW.
I'm saying that because it IS AWESOME.
Haven't seen a kungfu movie I REALLY liked in ages.
The last one I saw was Fearless,
And I thought it was pretty forgettable.
But the fighting here was damn good.
Kinda makes you wanna learn Wing Chun as well.



Ip Man is not flawless,
But at least I didn't cringe as much as I usually do,
And I actually LIKED the main character,
Not because he can kick ass,
But because he can kick ass AND look damn cool doing it.
I mean cool not just because he can kick ass,
But the WAY he does it.



Jet Li as Fok Yin Kap may have kicked ass in Fearless,
But Donnie Yen as Ip Man does it with such little effort,
He;s practically INVINCIBLE for gawds sake.
AND he does it with such a beatifying smile,
The if you were his opponent,
You be smiling back at him,
Even though your legs, arms and neck have all been broken.



The fight scenes are damn cool as well,
Got quite a few one on ones,
One where he uses a fucking LOOONG pole,
And one where he uses a fucking FEATHER DUSTER,
To beat the crap out of the bad guy using a fucking SWORD.
And if you think the one on ones are great,
Wait till you see him take on TEN karate-ing Japs.
FOOOOH.



The chick is quite cute too.
Though she puts on WAAAY too much makeup in real life.
The whole movie also flows along pretty well.
Lots of fighting in between,
And not THAT much emo-ing too.
Got drama drama a bit,
But at least it doesn't bore you.



This is the first time I came out of a kungfu movie,
Feeling so calm, collected, full of zen,
Wanting to be like water,
AND wanting to kick some ass at the same time.
Donnie Yen ROCKS,
Ip Man ROCKS.
Now bring on Ip Man 2,
And BRUCE LEE along with it!

MUSICLARITY: Jiwang Tuesday #5 (The One With Suanie Yang Usang)

This week's Jiwang Tuesday song comes courtesy of The Fabulous Suanie, who sent it to me one day via MSN, saying, "One of the best jiwang songs ever." and not a word more about why she thinks so.

I never really listened to Rahim Maarof's songs in the past, except maybe one - Istana Menanti; but I kinda like this one as well. But it's a bit too er... ordinary for me. I kinda prefer jiwang songs that have a bit more er... kick to them.

This one sounds a bit like May's Meniti Suratan, the verses I mean. And when the chorus kicks in, I keep expecting him to start singing the Meniti Suratan chorus. I'll post that May song next time, but for now, at least Usang IS a pretty jiwang song, so here ya go. :D

And BTW, if you guys have any jiwang songs you want to share with the rest of us, feel free to email them to me and I'll post them up. :D


Acquisition: Rahim Maarof - Usang

DISCLAIMER: All the mp3s available here are for sampling purposes only. So don't be an irresponsible pirate - if you really like the songs, be sure to buy the album also, ok? BTW, if you have a problem with the mp3s I've listed on the blog and want me to take them down, please email me at eyeriz@gmail.com, and I'll remove it at once.


Previous Jiwang Tuesday posts:

Thursday, 11 December 2008

Salvation or Termination? Saiyan or Sayonara?

HOLY MOTHERFUCKINGARNOLDGOVERNATOR AWESOME POSTER, BATMAN!




HOLY MOTHERFUCKINGSUPERSAIYAN AWFUL POSTER, GOKU!

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

New Books, Cheap Books and Some Charitable Causes

Here's a random book + charity post that initially served no purpose other than to show off that I've gotten the latest Sergei Lukyanenko book, but eventually expanded to become an announcement post instead for various charity stuff I got from my friends. :D

Anyway... look what I got at Kinokuniya yesterday!



It's got a blue tag on it for now, which means there's 20% off with another purchase!

And Kino's also got some Xmas promotion thingy that I wasn't too sure is about. Anyone care to enlighten me?

------------------------------------

Speaking of Xmas book promotions, I got this in my mailbox as well:



Cheap books AND charity at the same time. What other reasons do you need to visit the place already?

------------------------------------

And since we're talking about charity, here's another, non-book related but a bit more er.. exercise-oriented. It's a walkathon for UNICEF, and it's happening this Sunday at Hartamas Shoppping Center...

MUSICLARITY: Jiwang Tuesday #4 (The One With Fiona Yang Takde Handfon)

Sometime in the early 90s, the Malay music industry suddenly decided that the jiwang Mat Rock image was so er... late 80s; and decided to embrace the er... MC Hammer 'hip-hop' era by cooking up a couple of groups that comprised of teenage kids wearing baggy pants, primary-colored sweatsuits, baseball caps and oversized medallions around their necks.

One of the most popular ones of them all were these bunch of kids called 4U2C, which, corny name aside, could not sing nor harmonise for nuts. Why they chose these particular seven kids to be in one group, I don't know, but it sure as hell wasn't because they could sing well together.

Anyway, their biggest and arguably only cross-culture hit was this song called Fiona, which featured a pretty damn good melody, and song rather jiwang lirik-lirik too. Unfortunately, while the tune itself has aged pretty well, the same can't be said for the lirik-lirik, and the godawful intro, which featured 'conversations' between the guys, which were pretty damn corny.

One part of it, which had the guy calling up Fiona at home and discovering that, instead of staying home to belajar like she told him earlier, she had gone out gallivanting with some other dude; sounds really stupid in this day and age of mobile phones and SMSes.

But heck, this is actually a pretty good jiwang song... just try to ignore the godawful vocals, non-existent harmonising... and stop chortling during the corny intro.

PS: The mp3 below is a bit fucked-up in some parts. I got this particular file like... way before Napster even existed, and it's been around since then. I haven't bothered redownloading the song, so you'll have to bear with it, ok? haha.

Acquisition:
4U2C - Fiona



DISCLAIMER:
All the mp3s available here are for sampling purposes only. So don't be an irresponsible pirate - if you really like the songs, be sure to buy the album also, ok? BTW, if you have a problem with the mp3s I've listed on the blog and want me to take them down, please email me at eyeriz@gmail.com, and I'll remove it at once.


Previous Jiwang Tuesday posts:

Monday, 8 December 2008

How To Wake Up By Writing A lot Of Nonsense

Today's the type of day where you just don't wanna do anything but lie in bed all day and sleep. Which is what I did, all the way until 3pm which is when I woke up and decided to slap myself into doing some writing by at least writing some nonsensical junk on the blog first just to get the fingers warmed up for some hardcore er.. transcribing. I have a lot of stuff to transcribe, and a lot of deadlines to catch but the mood to write has just not been there for a while. It's not writer's block, just a lazy block I think. It's a habit I really need to get out of especially with the year end coming and all those deadlines looming. I don't really wanna start drowning in words and get all my stories mixed up. Might start writing about Donnie Yen going to Kelantan and helping women with breast cancer enrol into private Chinese schools where they learn how to use GPS and watch movies by Frank Miller. No wait, that would be one heck of a story but I doubt my editor would be very appreciative of it, so that's that. I guess one way to do it is if I stop bloody freewriting right now and just start work but somehow once you start freewriting it kinda gets a little hard to stop and my fingers are all warmed up now and my head is clearing up so I don't feel like jumping back into bed like I've been doing every hour for the past half a day. Damn now I'm hungry so I guess I better go eat first or my stomach will be rumbling and I might accidentally write the 'hungry Donnie Yen' instead of the 'angry Donnie Yen', which would be damn funny but would still get me into trouble. Ok, time to go if you managed to read all the way until here, which I don't know why, don't you have anything better to do? Go sleep or something, oh, and Selamat Hari Raya Haji to all Muslim friends out there toodle doo, time to go makan. BYE!

Friday, 5 December 2008

Kayu Barada Nikto! a.k.a. The Day Neo Stood Still



The Day The Earth Stood Still.
Not a Review.
The Earth was not the only thing that stood still lor.
Keanu looked like he was standing still the whole time.
Even when he was walking, he looked like he was standing still.
Heck, even when he was running, he looked like he was standing still.
HE was THAT kayu.



Then again, Keanu has always been kayu.
Kayu is his middle name.
"Hi, I'm Neo/Klaatu/Keanu/Kayu"
The best impression of a wooden plank EVER.
But at least he still looks kayu and cool
Not like that Marky Mark guy,
Who looks kayu AND constipated.



I still love Jennifer Connelly though.
She's super hot.
This was a stroll in the park for her.
"Nothing hard, Jennifer"
"Just try to look distressed,"
"And look hot at the same time."



But OMG is that kid ANNOYING.
Almost as annoying as his dad in Shark Tale.
Like father like son eh?
Like, Jennifer, you're his MOTHER for gods sake
Like, slap him and make him shut up already, Jennifer.



And GORT.
Cool cool GORT
Poor GORT.
Reduced to THAT.
And not even a "klaatu barada nikto".
Oh wait there was.
But barely discernible. Bah.



Oh, the movie? Er.......
I felt like I'd seen the whole damn thing before.
Like they just recycled an old script,
Dusted out their old filming techniques,
All the same cliches, the same lines, the same expressions,
And the same old lousy ending.
It's just... a movie. That's it. That's the best way to describe it.
Just. A. Movie. Ho. Hum.