Friday, 6 February 2009

Singer Should Have Let The X-Men Save The Day on Valkyrie instead of Tom Cruise...



Valkyrie.
Not a Review.
Oh look it's Tom Cruise.
Hey, it's in GERMAN?
Not bad, Cruise!
And I thought you were too hoity-toity to learn Germa... Oh.
Bah. Only the first few lines were German.
Now he's speaking American again. Bah.
And therein lies MY problem with Valkyrie.
All the Germans speak English!
I never knew the Nazi actually spoke English...
And not just English in German accents...
English in BRITISH AND AMERICAN ACCENTS!
WTF!
Even Hitler! (though his wasn't so obvious)
(The scenes with Hitler was actually quite interesting...)



Also, that bloody Tom Cruise is too distracting to be convincing.
One look at him, and you think, "Hey, it's Tom Cruise!"
Even with the eye patch.
Hey at least Brad Pitt didn't look much like Brad Pitt,
(Until he got younger, that is).
Couldn't they have UNprettyfied Tom for the show?
NOOOOOO. They HAD to make him pretty.
No one will believe an ugly Tom Cruise eh?
Heck, he should have kept the fat suit from Tropic Thunder.
Then he might have been more convincing.



And I thought this was a little pointless lor.
Like, you already know what happened.
It's ACTUAL HISTORY, people.
Hitler was NOT assassinated.
So you know in the movie he survives.
Which makes all the tension and drama a little BLAH.
It's still pretty good though,
But a bit of an anti-climax loooor...



Wonder what would have happened if midway through the movie...
Bryan Singer decided to FUCK THIS SHIT
LET'S CHANGE THE ENDING.
Make it an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE history instead,
One where the plot actually SUCCEEDS
And Hitler DOES DIE!
WOOHOO! The possibilities!
Then Captain America can come SWOOPING in with the AVENGERS
And then the X-Men come in and kick Tom Cruises's ASS!
Now THAT'S a movie I'd pay to watch...

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