Friday, 6 March 2009

Dragonball Should be Called Crapandballs instead.

Dragonball: Evolution
Not a Review.
Don't waste your money.
Don't even waste time blogging about it to get into the free screening.
Go read the manga instead.
Or at least watch the anime.
Because this movie made me wanna throw a kamehameha on the director's ass.

What, you're still here?
Ok, fine.
It should have been called Drag-on-balls,
Or Crap-N-Balls instead.
Because it SUCKS.
Thank god I didn't watch Street Fighter,
(Which apparently was worse than Dragonball)
Or I'd be killing myself with a Dhalsim action figure now.

First of all, whose idea was it to have a gwailo playing Goku?
It's almost as bad as that Forbidden Kingdom smug-faced kid,
And that smart-assed American kid in The Seeker.
Another classic example of American miscasting foreign characters,
To make them more Duh-merican.
And Yumcha was just annoying.
And that Piccolo... Oh dear oh dear.
Poor Spike.
He really couldn't find any decent jobs after Buffy ended huh?

And Chow Yuen Fatt...
Actually I have no problems with him.
Jsut the CHARACTER of Master Roshi.
Where's the turtle shell?
And what's this half-assed attempt at trying to make him more hamsap,
And then not doing it anymore?
Roshi is supposed to be more CRAZY PERVERTED,
Not some Mr. Miyagi-type sifu.

And Emmy Rossum... what were you thinking?
Yes, got cleavage... (6, if you're wondering)
But the whole image is so bad,
She should have just hid herself in a capsule for the entire movie.
And that Chi Chi chick (huh huh see what I did there?)...
Ok, quite hot lar. Cleavage rating 7.5.
Very cute. Not very good acting though.
But very cute.
So cute that I'll put another picture of her just for posterity.

The Dragonball manga was sooooo FUN.
So funny and so FUN
(Until he grew up and all that super saiyan shit started, of course)
This movie is... just crap.
Speed Racer, Godzilla, and now this.
What other Japanese thing are they gonan ruin next?
Dr. Slump with Dakota Fanning as Arale?
Slam Dunk with Dennis Rodman as Hanamichi?
(that would be pretty ironic though...)
Astroboy? G-Force? Voltron?
Avatar, directed by M. Night Shyamalan?
Eh wait, those last few actually ARE happening.

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