Thursday, 2 April 2009

Jackie Chan is the Worse Triad Boss EVAR

Shinjuku Incident.
Not a review.
Not a typical Jackie Chan movie either.
I mean, he doesn't jump off a building.
Or slide down a pole filled with electric lights.
Or fight bad guys with a chair.
Not even once.

Oh, he DOES fight bad guys,
But very lousily, no kungfu at all also.
He does chop people's hands off,
And shoots people at point blank range.
But come on lar, those aren't Jackie Chan moves.
Even that annoying smug-faced Forbidden Kingdom kid could do those!

Anyway, this was supposed to be Jackie Chan's 'gangster' movie.
Yeah, it's bloody violent.
Yeah, got all the parang chopping people scenes.
Yes, got the obligatory "Tai Ko Leading the gang" scene.
Yes, got the customary triad war scene.
But in the end a bit anti-climatic.

Because he's the most wishy-washy gangster EVAR.
Imagine a typical Jackie Chan character,
Yes, the usual goody goody accidental hero,
PRETENDING to be a Gu Wat Zai gangster.
Very the tak ngam.
Not just the face, but the character also.
He's the worse triad boss EVAR.
Eric Tsang would SQUEAK him to death.

And check out Daniel Wu's Harajuku outfit.
Fooh, really look like pondan only.
You sure he's not gay ar?
But then his character very the cham lor.
Haiyor, and damn unlucky also.
Poor guy.
Doesn't excuse the lousy fashion sense though.

I really like that Fan Bing Bing chick though.
Donno why that silly Jackie prefers the other chick.
And the Jap gangsters?
Why they all talk like they are making a speech wan?
Even the policeman also liddat.

It's a very serious movie.
Hardly a single laugh anywhere.
It's not BAD. Just not GOOD either.
It's neither here nor there.
And Jackie Chan seems like he was crowbarred into the movie.
I wish he'd taken a bigger risk with his character,
And REALLY let loose on being a REAL badass gangster.
Now THAT would be a movie I'd PAY to watch.

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