Friday, 30 October 2009

Absolut Fantasy

Contrary to THIS post, I'm actually not THAT big a fan of Absolut Vodka. I mean, I'm a fan of vodka IN GENERAL, and I don't MIND Absolut; but I certainly don't LOVE it. So sue me, but I've been spoiled silly with awesome vodka in Poland, and Absolut isn't exactly GREAT vodka. It's GOOD, but not GREAT.

But at least it's GOOD. Between Absolut and the shite 'vodka' they serve at bars and pubs in KL (the one in Barsonic is especially foul), I'll take Absolut anytime.

I'll say one thing about them though - they have one hell of a marketing team . They have a freaking good ad campaign, and their bottles are pretty cool too. I have a whole collection of miniature Absolut bottles (I'm still trying to get my hands on a miniature Absolut Peppar bottle.. anyone wanna sell me one?).

Anyway, I've tried quite a few of their flavored vodkas too. Some are decent, some are downright awful. Pear, Citron, Apeach and Vanilla I like. Mango, Peppar... I can handle. Raspberri? Forget it. I made the mistake of buying one bottle once, and couldn't finish that huge bottle of cough mixture flavored vodka for a whole YEAR, until one drunken party where an already drunk friend downed the whole bottle all by himself.

I was in Changi recently and saw the Absolut Rock bottle, with all the leather and studs, and went, "WTF kinda vodka is this?" Stone flavored vodka? So hard it knocks you out? What's all this batu-ba... huh? Oh... ROCK.

Anyway, since they seem to be having fun coming up with their legitimate Absolut vodkas, I figured it might be fun to come up with our OWN localised Absoluts as well... Here we go!

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Absolut BKT
Inspired by claims from femes food blogger KYspeaks that bah kut teh is the best after-party supper ever, this strong vodka combines the awesomeness of vodka and bah kut teh in one custom made, one of a kind Absolut-bottle-shaped thermos bottle. It satiates your alcohol craving AND your stomach at the same time! Available in two versions - one with little pork bits, and a vegetarian one with tau foo pok instead.

Absolut Cilipadi
Forget Absolut Peppar. This is the mother of all spicy vodkas. Guaranteed to give you not just a ring of fire, but also make your throat burn when you throw it all up. Inspired by femes blogger Fireangel, because, well, you know, Cili Padi is hot. Never mind.

Absolut Cincau
Vodka with little black jelly bits. Goes well with ice, soya bean and served in little plastic bags tied with raffia string.

Absolut Death
Strong vodka with a tinge of apple. 89.9% alcohol content. Best taken neat. Approved by evil witches everywhere, for all your alcoholic princess poisoning needs.

Absolut Grog
Tagline: I can't believe it's not rum! Favored by pirates the world over (except in Somalia and Petaling Street), including those of the bargain bin variety. Best consumed after an attack by dangerous rum-burning Kiera Knightleys.

Absolut Finlandia
Two of Scandinavia's biggest vodka manufacturers come together in a bid to out-vodka THE original and still the best vodka makers from Poland and Russia (both countries that produce THE BEST VODKA in the WORLD, BTW. Smirnoff non-withstanding).

Absolut Kopi-O
Coffee-flavoured vodka. Served on the rocks in large quantities, and in plastic cups. Mixture of caffeine, high sugar content (there is a kurang manis version, but it is generally frowned upon by vodka enthusiasts) and alcohol ensures you get drunk but remain alert. Beware of deadly hangovers in the morning.

Absolut Senget
Strong vodka guaranteed to make you senget. Comes in a limited edition senget designer bottle inspired by the senget adventures of the Thirsty Blogger.

Absolut Shite:
Actually gin.

Absolut Single:
The complete opposite of Absolut Love, this is a vodka made especially for The Last Happy Single Girl and all the other single girls out there. Derived from a love potion recipe by the best bomoh in Malaysia (guaranteed to have never been prosecuted for rape or fraud), it is guaranteed to make any guy look handsome and charming after you drink at least five shots. Neat.

Absolut Sweat
Their venture into the isotonic drink market. Now you can workout, and then replenish your body fluids AND get drunk at the same time! Inspired by Suanie's efforts at Bootcamp. Take note, Bootcamp instructors, if you dangle a drink in front of her she might drag that tyre a lot faster...

Absolut Water
Exactly what it says. Alcohol content: 0%. Highly recommended by femes noob drunk blogger Kimberlycun.


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