Thursday, 26 November 2009

I Survived The Scariest Movie of 2009.....

New Moon
Not a review.
Wanted to stab my eyes out with a pen.
Using the BLUNT point.
OMG screaming tween girls.
Stop screaming already.
Someday when you grow up,
You girls will look back at this movie,
And wonder why the heck you loved it so much.
Me, I had LOADS of fun... (in between stabbing my eyes)
Most fun I've had laughing and poking fun AT a movie since....
Oh. Since Twilight. LOL

Anyway, on to the movie.
Does ANYTHING ever happen in this movie?
All they ever seem to do is mope
sulk, mope, sulk, mope, sulk,
Stare into each other's eyes lovery dovey,
and say stupid, meaningless things.
Speaking of dialogue,
How DO they say those lines with a straight face?
How can you say something like 'Let's go watch Face Punch'"
And NOT burst out laughing at how absurd it sounds?
And OMG, those horrible conversations.
They make Episode II's infamous 'Sand' lines sound like Shakespeare.
If you think about it, they essentially say the same things,

And what the fuck is this.
One chick, one half-naked guy, one bedroom...
And all they did was TALK????
And so bias, WTF.
All the guys take off their shirts.
There's what, ONE lead female,
And we never even see a hint of cleavage?
(that said, that Alice chick has some groovy cleavage going on.)
She even goes swimming FULLY CLOTHED WTF.
But she does a MEgan Fox run in the end though.
Slow-mo and all.... but not as bouncy.

The Volturi were great though.
I'd watch a whole movie of them.
As long as there is no WolfBoyloveMopeyGirllovePaleBoy shit around.
Oooh, a jibe at zombie movies, so crever!
Mopey Girl should just go out with a zombie in the next movie
At least zombies won't leave her to 'protect' her.
And just eat her brains instead...
You know, for her protection.
Oh, and I have a theory on why Pale Boy was so reluctant,
And asked Mopey Girl to wait five years.
Maybe he wants her to grow a bit older,
So her boobs will grow bigger first,
And THEN only make her immortal.

Huh? Edward? Jacob? Who're those people?

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