Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Performance-Capture, Mr. Zemeckis? BAH, HUMBUG.

A Christmas Carol.
Not a review.
It's another of Robert Zemeckis' 'performance-capture' thingos.
Like The Polar Express.
Like Beowulf.
And like all those movies,
I can't stand it.

Oh the movie itself was quite alright.
You really can't go wrong, story-wise.
It's A Christmas Carol, for god's sake.
You'd have to be stupid to screw THAT story up.
Oh wait, they did that with Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.
Never mind.

The effects were great too.
It was pretty to look at,
The camera angles were impossibly thrilling,
And the 3D was nicely done.
The action scenes we exciting,
And the scary bits were quite scary too.

But something seemed WRONG somehow.
Those characters... they look real, but they're not.
Scrooge himself was pretty well done.
But the rest... look REALLY fake in a real sort of way.
It's like, they're real people but are actually fake.
Especially the supporting characters.
They all look like video game cutscene characters.

And why does Jim Carrey's accent sound so weird?
Like an American trying to speak in a British accent.
A British-INDIAN accent at that.
And the ghosts... the first one was cool, with the fire.
The second one was damn annoying the way he kept LAUGHING.
And the third.... ok, the third ghost was cool.
I like how they did the third ghost.

Oh, and I think I'm getting tired of 3D.
Especially when the movies just put the 3D in for 3D's sake.
OOOH LOOK we can do this
OOOH LOOK we can make this come OUT at you
Yes yes, we know you can do that,
But what else does it give the movie?
Sheesh, and Avatar isn't even out yet...

Sorry, Mr. Zemeckis.
I still can't get used to the whole 'performance-capture' thingy.
It looks like animation,
The characters looks animated,
And the camera goes places only animation (or CGI) can go.
So why isn't it called 'ANIMATION', huh?
Performance-capture you say, Mr. Zemeckis?

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