Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Battle-ready Smurfs vs. Gargamel's mech warriors. IN THREE DEE!

Not a review.
I see blue people.
Didn't get as big a headache as I expected.
Damn long though.
Two hours 43 minutes long, to be exact.
That James Cameron dude doesn't like making short films now huh?
First Titanic, now this.

The movie is like Dances With Wolves with blue people.
Like Titanic with blue people and no ship.
Like the APV's in Matrix Revolutions vs. an army of Nightcrawlers.
Like Ripley's Powerloaders vs. Mystique
Like battle-ready Smurfs vs. Gargamel's army of mech warriors
Like the Blue Man Group vs. Daft Punk.

Story is so-so.
The usual human guy goes to native village,
Learns the natives' ways,
And leads them in a fight against the oppressors he used to be with.
Almost exactly like Dances With Wolves, actually.
Except the natives are blue.
And everything is in THREE DEE.

BTW, why are they always BLUE?
Why can't they use PINK, or GREEN?
Why the color discrimination?
Is BLUE the new WHITE?
Why aren't there BLACK aliens? (Oh wait, that would be RACIST)
Is it because BLUE looks better on THREE DEE?

Effects were awesome though.
The battle scenes, the forest scenes,
Hard to believe it was all CGI at times.
I'll take this over Robert Zemeckis' performance-capture anytime.
even the THREE DEE was a lot more impressive.

The action was pretty damn cool too.
Kinda made up for the draggy bits.
And that bad guy general very despicable.
Stereotypically despicable, but despicable no less.
And look, it's Ellen Ripley pretending to be Diane Fossey!
But her role was more Gorillas In The Mist than Aliens.
I kept hoping she'd get into a powerloader.
Damn. That would be awesome in THREE DEE.

Yes, in case you didn't notice already,
You really should go watch this in THREE DEE.
Besides, James Cameron filmed it with 3D in mind,
And it looks GORGEOUS in 3D.
Because as a movie, it's a pretty standard sci-fi movie.
A very LOOOOONG one.
With ho-hum dialogue and a predictable story.
But in 3D, you'll be too busy ooh-ing and ah-ing to care,

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