Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Presenting... Apple's Next Post-iPad Products, with EVEN BIGGER TOUCHSCREENS!!!

It all started out with the iPod. Then it got smaller (iPod Nano) and even smaller (iPod Shuffle). Then they started getting bigger, and cooler with the iPod Touch, and then when the iPhone was released, all hell broke loose.

Now EVERYONE wants a touchscreen, and the iPhone has lost it's cool factor because EVERYONE has one. So what does Apple do? Make it BIGGER of course!

Don't get me wrong, despite the stupid name, the iPad looks damn cool, but really, I can't see beyond it being just an over-glorified iPod Touch. Sure, specific people will have great use for it - photographers who want to show-off their portfolio, marketing people who need to do presentations and so on. But me? My current laptop's already damn small, is a tablet, and also has a touch screen. So what's the big deal about the iPad, huh?

Yeah, I'll pass for now. At least until it gets cheaper, or someone gives it to me free. Heh heh.

Besides, at the rate Apple is going by making their touch screen devices BIGGER and BIGGER, I reckon their next products will be the following:


The iTable

Throw out your clunky desktop and turn your DESK into your personal computer! Instead of using your fingers, use your PALMS to work the iTable!

Special apps:
  • iPhone Table: Never use your hands to answer the phone again! Now you can answer all your calls by simply laying your ear down anywhere on the iTable!
  • iArm: Eliminate the risk of carpal-tunnel syndrome when you use the iTable with this faulous app that massages your arms when you rest them on the iTable!
  • iCup: An app that detects your cup anywhere you put it on the iTable, and automatically keeps it warm for you! A future upgrade will have a 'freeze' mode that allows you to keep your beers chilled as well!
  • iMahjung: Never lose a mahung tile again! Using this app, the iTable can be converted into a virtual mahjung table, complete with almost real sound effects!
  • iSmoke: Can't stop smoking at work? Well, this app is for you. just flick your ash anywhere on the iTable and the touchscreen immediately absorbs the ash and converts it into renewable energy to power the iTable! Comes with built-in lighter!
  • iTypewriter: For long-serving workers who miss the days when "We had none of these hocu-pocus PC or iPiss shit! We had good old typewriters!". Provides authentic typewriter sounds, and the all-familiar DING! when the user finishes a line.

The iBoard

Throw out your old school black/white boards and use the iBoard intead! Even Einstein would approve! Comes with a metal stand to wheel around for easy transport, for teachers and mathematicians on the go!

Special Apps:
  • iPhoto: Turns your iBoard into a picture frame; and decorate it by downloading your favorite paintings by famous artists like Picasso, Van Gogh and more! (Screensavers? What are those?)
  • iChalk / iMarker: Turns your iBoard into a digital blackboard or whiteboard, depending on your preference. Comes with authentic chalk-on-board sounds. Even includes authentic annoying screeching sound when you run your fingernails over it!
  • iMath: automatically loads and displays any famous or obscure mathematical formula (written in chalk) when you need to impress people with your intellectual prowess.
  • iTeach: When used for classrooms, this app will ensure you never embarrass yourself in front of your students with typos, grammatical errors or wrong calculations; by automatically correcting the mistakes as you make them. Suitable for English teachers who are not very good at English.


Mike Yip said...

i yorrrrrrrrrrrr.... like this also can.

But i'll definitely buy it for the iMahjong function. :p

Especially if it has a function to auto-calculate all the scores and distribute the monetary transaction virtually as well.

Police come raid, can just switch to a Snake & Ladder game and pretend no gambling activity took place there.

Nobby Nobbs said...

iPillow: Burning the midnight oil? Deadline looming? Writers block? Too many hours surfing for smut? Tired of playing iMajung? Take a break. Just lay your head anywhere on the itable and voila! The screen will magically turn pillowy soft.

Simon Seow said...

Nice post lol. I want iToilet now u can really surf anywhere.

mina said...

Actually the IBoard (although not with all those features you mentioned :p)is already available for educational use.

eyeris said...

Ah... but is it by APPLE?

FA said...

LMAO so funny lah you.

knowing your luck, you'll probably get one for free soon. hmph.

FietheElf said...

i want

Anonymous said...

Jz wanted to say hi as I jz recently started reading your blog.

If blogspot had a "Like" function, dz post would get my vote. Hehe, funny la :D