Thursday, 8 April 2010

KICK-ASS KICKS ASS! IT REALLY FUCKING KICKS ASS!



Kick Ass.
Not a Review.
Finally, a movie that delivers on its title.
THIS MOVIE KICKS ASS.
IT FUCKING KICKS ASS!
IT'S ASS KICKINGLY KICK ASS!
It's so KICK ASS that if you don't go see it I will KICK YOUR ASS!



Oh first things first...
DO NOT bring your children to watch this movie.
REALLY, DON'T BRING YOUR KIDS.
Not unless you want them to learn how to cuss,
Or to train them on how to chop people's legs off.
Yeah it's about superheroes,
Yeah it's got nice brightly colored costumes,
Yeah it's got a little girl,
But it's also bloody violent, bloody foul-mouthed,
And that little girl?
She's the most violent and fouled mouth of them all.



OMG HIT GIRL.
She's like the most AWESOME character EVAR.
She's bloody brilliant.
Like a pocket-size, potty-mouthed ninja assassin,
She can say the C-word, kick your ass AND slice it in half in a second.
She'd kick Angelina Jolie's Wanted ass ANY DAY.
She could probably take on The Bride as well.



And is that REALLY Nic Cage?
Wow, he's actually pretty awesome here.
None of that Bangkok Dangerous Ghost Rider dumbass shit.
He's actually pretty good here.
And boy does Big Daddy KICK ASS.
He'd probably kick BATMAN's ass to Arkham and back,
But the Joker would probably scare him shitless though...



Surprisingly, there were only four cuts.
Most of the cussing and the violence are intact.
BTW, It's based on a Mark Millar comic,
Yup, the same guy who wrote Wanted,
(the awesomely violent comic, not the pussy-assed movie)
About some kid who wants to be a superhero,
But gets his ass kicked more than he kicks ass.
That's all you need to know.
For more, GO WATCH THE FUCKING MOVIE!



Holy cow I haven't cheered so much in a cinema since....
Well, since that time I watched Transformers,
In a cinema full of Transformers fans.
This is definitely a movie you HAVE to see to believe it.
It's the most KICK ASS superhero movie ever!
It's not a GREAT as The Dark Knight,
But it sure as hell KICKS ASS.
Now... Show's over, motherfuckers.
Go watch the movie, or I'll KICK YOUR ASS!

8 comments:

KY said...

i wanna hire hit girl as my bodyguard!

Myhorng said...

i missed kicking ass? :(

§pinzer said...

I am suffering from orgasm reading this review... which isn't a review!

it just kicks ass!

Niki Cheong said...

I want to hire Hit Girl to protect me from traumatising movies like Kick Ass.

Eventhough, yes it kicks ass (although I missed half the movie from having my eyes shut, and watched the other half through my jumper which was covering the screen to protect my shut eyes (in case I suddenly could see with my eyes shut).

eyeris said...

Er... Why the heck would you have your eyes shut? It's not as if it's a horror movie....

Lee Theng said...

Most kick-ass enjoyable movie i have seen this year. Hit Girl rockssss!!

Buaya69 said...

oh man, not sure when I will get this in Saigon. Must check out the P-DvD shops this weekend, hehehe

Ginger said...

Hey Eyeris. Happened upon your blog in a google search. Love the way you write your non reviews. Your heart is all in it. And yes I had to check through your archives to find out what you thought of Kick ass. You didnt disappoint! Hit girl was awesome!