Tuesday, 3 August 2010

M. Night Shyamalan Must Die For Crimes Against Awesome Cartoons

The Last Airbender.
Not a review.
Oh, this isn't THAT bad.
Just ignore the bad dialogue,
Ignore the silly plot,
Ignore the lousy acting,
Ignore the disjointed flow,
Ignore the humourless tone...
Oh who am I kidding?
Just ignore the whole bloody movie.

Where is it, M. NIGHT SUCKMALAN!!??!!??

I REALLY wanted to like it.
It's M. Night Shyamalan.
(Whom I'd been defending all this while, even after The Happening)
And it's AVATAR, one of my favorite cartoons EVER.
HOW could he get it so so wrong?
HOW could he COMPLETELY miss the point by SO MUCH?
It's a CARTOON for gods sake.
His kids should be ASHAMED of him for ruining their cartoon!

Even if you never watched the cartoon,
This is still one horrendously bad movie.
I think the fact that I loved the cartoon made it even WORSE.
He tried to cram 20 episodes of awesome,
All into a measly two-hour movie.
That I had to go home and watch the cartoon again,
Just to cleanse my mind of the memory of this farce.

All the awesome stuff in the cartoon... WASTED.
Appa, Momo, Bumi, Iroh... all awesome in the cartoon.
All WASTED by Suckmalan's vampiric humour sucking ability.
Even Sokka, the comedy relief in the cartoon,
He doesn't even crack a SINGLE JOKE for fucks sake.
Heck I don't think anyone even SMILED the entire movie.

And the fighting?
It's like it was made by an angmoh who opened a fortune cookie,
And saw the words 'KUNGFU' inside it.
Ok the kid can fight,
But goddamn you suck at making fight scenes, Suckmalan.
Heck, I'm not sure you even know how to make a proper movie anymore.

Seriously people,
Take your hard-earned money,
And go buy the DVD for the series.
Yes, ALL THREE AWESOME SEASONS of the cartoon.
At least THAT won't be a bloody waste of your money and time.


Monk[+]Icon said...

wah.. that bad arh and yet im looking forward to watch this... now i have 2nd thoughts...

Simon Seow said...

He only cramped 20 episodes in this movie? Meaning there's still Book 2 and Book 3 of the movie? I think I'll go have a Avatar The Last Airbender cartoon series marathon.

vincent said...

Am I the only one who read SUCKMALAN as Suck My Lan?

Julie Lim said...

Even before reading your post I had a vibe that that movie is gonna suck big time. And now I'm totally convinced.

Btw, Vincent, thanks for pointing out SUCKMALAN, lol !!!

Anonymous said...

totally agree..the fact that i love the cartoon makes it so damn painful.. that movie game me chronic diarrhea -_-"

Chancy said...

Recently, a lot of Facebook groups have popped up on Facebook due to MNS's crimes against the Avatar fanbase like this one: http://www.facebook.com/pages/M-Night-should-be-hanged-for-treason-against-the-Avatar-fan-base/131783276855379

audrey griffin said...

I couldn't agree more. I just posted the following to a thread where some guy said that everyone he's ran into who didn't like the movie were usually dumb. Like literally to stupid to get Shyamalans creative vision he took. This dude was of course no fan of the original series.

i understand about the energy centers, chakras and such. I hated the movie. If you are a fan of the original series then you understand that the original story had far more depth. This is a movie which is good only to the people who have not seen the original series. I guess maybe I can get that.
Regardless, I have seen all seasons and have the dvds. I was a fan from the start of the series. It is a beautiful story. Time is taken to build relationships between the characters. Fire benders can create fire and electricity and don't need a source. Otherwise why is anyone so afraid of them. Aang is a delicate child. At first he doesn't want to accept his role as avatar. It takes more than one season or movie for him to come to terms with it. Though it's a cartoon the writing is excellent. It has a spiritual base and lessons that make it positive for kids to watch, adults alike. The heart of what the series was has been compromised is this disaster of a film. For all who think you liked the movie I implore you to watch the series.It's like if they made a movie of your favorite book, show and you went to watch it but recognized nothing of the book in the movie. I understand creative license and all but C'MON! I blame the creators. They had creative input and were such Shyamalan fans that they let him piss all over the story.
There was to lightness or brevity. These are after all still kids. Kids who are brave but also very scared and unsure. Zuko is scared. He is scared that he will live his whole life and feel a failure. Zukos story has a whole other life in the story on the last air bender. He is on the heroes journey. They didn't even get the names of all the characters right. Except for the mispronunciations of names and bending ability I'd have not even recognized any of the characters. So if you were making a different movie it might have been ok at best. If you're making the film live action adaptation of "Avatar: The Last Air Bender", I should have been able to recognize the story. It sucked in that respect. It was like they took all the story boards from the original, the scripts, shit on them, put them thru a shredder, ate it, shit half out and vomited the other half and said TADAA! No!
This could have been the Star Wars EPIC type trilogy of my sons generation. This film could have been classic. The only way to fix it is a complete remake. Let it be directed by someone who is a fan. Like Guillermo del Torro and Hell Boy or Sam Remy and Spiderman. Someone who gets tht even though they are cartoons they are still rich full with interweaving intricacies. Take time to character build, relationship build. Action is great only when supported by background and reason for the action. The epic beautiful story was already there. It should have been easy. The job was in editing and what could they afford not to tell or to tell slightly differently and have it not take away from the integrity of the story, characters and relationships."