Monday, 16 May 2011

Four is Definitely Enough, Jack

Pirates of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Not a review.
Otherwise known as POTC4
Or POTC: The Pointless Money Grubbing Sequel
Pointless in that it doesn't add anything to the franchise,
Beyond giving us more Jack Sparrow.
And frankly, I'm getting a bit sick of him.

Ok, Captain Jack Sparrow is always fun.
But this time around he was fun but boring at the same time.
The first movie he was AWESOME because he was FRESH.
By the third movie, he was a bit tired already.
And this one, it's ALL him.
Which is good and bad at the same time.

It's not too bad.
Just.. pointless.
I reckon you could take the best bits of all 3 sequels,
And make one REALLY AWESOME sequel.
Instead we got one LONG trailer to the 3rd,
A third movie that was all over the place,
and a 4th movie that is pretty much pointless.

Blackbeard was awesome though.
Ian McShane is AWESOME.
Even better than Davy Jones.
And Barbossa is still my favorite pirate of the lot.
He's the only one who can give commands like a REAL pirate!

Lucky no Will and Elizabeth this time.
But wait, there's some wishy-washy guy,
Falling in love with a mermaid.
IT'S BOOORRING and doesn't add ANYTHING to the plot.
It's like a mini-Will & Liz for fucks sake.

Ooooh, Penelope Cruz.
She's smokin' hot.
MUCH better than Keira Knightley
Not much of a cleavage rating though haih.
And those mermaids are damn hot too!
Until the go psycho and bite your heads off, that is.

Yes Johnny, four is definitely enough.
Unless you can get a new director,
One that can give the franchise something NEW,
You're only gonna be making the same movie OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
There's only so much Sparrowing around we can take, Jack.


KY said...

i dont' mind keeping some of those mermaids in me pond!

Simon Seow said...

I haven't watch the first one FML.

eyeris said...

FYL indeed