Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Just Pretend Revenge Of The Fallen Never Happened

Transformers: Dark of The Moon
Not A Review.
That was my reaction after the movie.
Now THAT is what I call a Transformers movie!

Forget the second movie.
No really, pretend it never existed,
Pretend that we never had to endure those stupid twins,
That horrible script and those dumb robot balls.
Because THIS is the sequel we TRULY DESERVE.
THIS should have been the sequel to Transformers.
Not that bloody Revenge of The Fallen crap.

SHOCKWAVE! More devastating than Devastator!
SOUNDWAVE! No longer a useless satellite!
LASERBEAK! No longer an obsolete cassette!
MEGATRON! Robot-kutu-infested!
STARSCREAM! Still chicken shit as ever!

OPTIMUS PRIME! Now with awesome TRAILER!
SENTINEL PRIME! Spock-tastic! Galvatronising!
SIDESWIPE! IRONHIDE! Now with more things to do!
Bumblebee! Er.. still there!
Jolt! Pointless!

Seriously, even the plot kinda ignores ROTF.
So many plot holes.
But it all makes sense IF you pretend ROTF never happened.
Which for me was pretty easy.
Not for Jasonmumbles, who watched it like 11 times.

No more Megan Fox (sob sob)
But there's Rosie.
Well, she ain't Megan,
But oh yeah, she's hot.
First thing you see is her awesome er... behind.
Cleavage rating 8.
Acting rating: 2.5.

Didya notice how all the pictures here have no guys?
It's all just robots and babes.
Because that's all that matters, really. Heh heh.
Shia? Josh? Tyrese? Same old same old.
The parents are still damn annoying and pointless.
John Turtorro is less annoying & surprisingly competent.
And thank god that annoying douchebag from ROTF is gone.

BTW, the 3D's pretty good too.
Still a bit too long though.
Should have kicked out the parents.
John Malkovich and Ken Jeong were pointless and annoying too.
But holy slag, Laserbeak is great.
Kicks Ravage's ass anytime.
But there is LOADS of action in the end,
And LOTS of robot-on-robot fights.
Now THAT'S what a Transformers movie is all about!

I actually watched this LAST WEEK.
You have no idea how torturing it is to keep my mouth shut.
I mean, what's the point of watching it so early,
And not being able to gloat about it?
Especially since this was AWESOME?

(BTW, is this the first review of the movie in Malaysia?)
(I know it's the first NOT A review in the WORLD. Hehe.)

Thursday, 16 June 2011

In Brightest Day, In Blackest Night, Send This Movie To The Blight.

Green lantern.
Not a review.
In brightest day, in blackest night,
This movie sure ain't no Dark knight.
May all who worship Marvel's might,
Beware DC's power... Ryan Reynolds' tights!

Sorry Ryan,
You should have stuck with Deadpool.
I liked you more there.
Not so annoying.
And you're not er.. heroic enough ler.
It ain't easy being green eh?

Blake Lively.
Not very lively.
A dead fish would have been livelier.
Stay in Gossip Girl, girl.
(Oh, Cleavage Rating: 7)

And why is Parallax a giant CLOUD again?
Like Galactus only.
No other shapes for giant evil space entities ar?
All cloud this cloud that.
This one is a cloud with tentacles samore.
(oh, you should see the crappy Parallax toy they made)
(That's gonna be in the bargain bins for YEARS)

Seriously not enough of the Green Lantern Corps lor.
Sinestro was alright (not yellow yet though)
Killowog talked too much like a hip-hop star for my liking.
Tomar-Re was not bad, but underused.
And they show SO MANY of the other Green Lanterns,
But never give them a chance to do anything,
Except shine their torchlights in the sky.

It was slightly better than Green HORNET,
But that's not saying much.
This was just... MEH.
Oh, and don't bother with 3D, it's pointless.
Go watch X-Men better,
Looks like DC is still stuck with Batman and Superman.
Though they better not screw up the Flash movie...

Monday, 13 June 2011

Beer Of The Week: Full Of Fuller

I'm in London right now, and the first two days was basically a really long pub crawl for me. I wanted to go on the London Real Ale Trail, but didn't have time, so I just hoped into random bars and tried all the different ales they had.

Fuller's isn't exactly an unknown brand to Malaysians - it's available in several outlets, though only in bottle form. Never really liked the bottle one, but I decided to check out the draft version while I was here (Also cos I'd tried every other ale in this particular pub).

Anyway, Fuller's London Pride is pretty much par for course when it comes to ABV - only about 4.7%. It IS however a lot nicer tasting than I remember the bottle one being. Maybe because I was thirsty and eating fish and chips at the same time, but the beer really went down smoothly and was remarkably refreshing and pleasant.

I tried a whole lot of other ales in London, but surprisingly, Fuller's London Pride was one of the more memorable ones for me.

More real ale to come next time!

Friday, 10 June 2011

Ole Ole Ole Ole! Senna! Senna!

Not a review.
Not a review about my brother's dog.
But about the actual Senna.
THE Aryton Senna.
Arguably the greatest F1 driver ever.
Don't think it's ever going to Malaysia though.
But if the local distributors have any sense in them,
This is one documentary they SHOULD bring in.

Yes, it's a documentary,
So don't expect Fast 5 styled car races.
But it's a brilliant documentary.
None of that stupid boring talking head crap.
It uses real footage and live race footage.
And tells the story brilliantly.
So brilliantly in fact,
That you don't have to be a F1 fan to enjoy it.

From the start of his career,
To his spats with the hamsap looking Alain Prost,
The in-car cameras showing off his driving skills,
It is a fitting tribute to a great driver.
His first win at the Brazilian GP was especially awesome.
Especially when you see the pain he was in after the race.

Of course, you know that he dies in the end.
But the build-up to that moment was brilliant.
From the pre-race footage, to the in-car footage,
It makes the eventual crash so, so heart-wrenching.
And what happens before the crash is even sadder.
You KNOW what happens to him.
Which makes each sentences he says even more poignant.
If you get the chance, WATCH THIS.