Tuesday, 27 September 2011
The Sorcerer And The White Snake.
Not a review
Previously titled It's Love and Madame White Snake
It's got Jet Li,
And some hot chicks,
And dodgy CGI.
Ok, A LOT of dodgy CGI.
Jet Li! As a monk!
As a laser shooting monk actually.
He hardly does any fighting.
Just shoot lasers from his palms.
WHY JET LI WHYYYYY??
(BTW, why ALL the demons he fights are all hot babes wan ar?)
WAH GOT LESBIAN HOT CHICK SNAKE ACTION!
HALF-NAKED WOMEN! WITH SNAKE BODIES!
(Eh wait, aren't snakes reptiles? Why do they have boobs?)
FROLICKING AROUND IN THE GRASS!
OH wait, what? That's not actually a lesbian sex scene?
And what, They're SISTER SNAKES?
Oklah, the two chicks quite hot.
That Eva Huang chick is hot,
Have I mentioned I've actually met her in person?
Yeah, she's even hotter in person.
Charlene too, actually.
Too bad there wasn't some REAL LESBIAN HOT CHICK SNAKE ACTION.
Ok wait, that would be weird.
Oh look, got talking animals!
Got rabbit, turtle, rat..
WAh got thousands of talking rats saving the day samore!
What is this, NARNIA?
Oh look, got Lord Of The Rings Gandalf vs Balrog rip-off also!
And got 2012 giant tidal waves also!
And ooh, look, VAMPIRES!
And got that Ghostbusters ghost trap also!
Wah, the director really know how to 'borrow' from Hollywood hor?
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE CRAPPY CGI!
Oh, 3D, so must have A LOT A LOT of CGI is it?
Until EVERYTHING is CGI is it?
And why does it all look like video game wan?
And don't get me started on the 'monster' makeup.
Ok fine, check it out below:
Calling this a B-grade movie is an insult to B-grade movies
Because at least B-grade movies KNOW they're B-grade movies.
I pity the sucker who invested all that money into this movie.
And those who paid money to go watch it.
So if you haven't gone to see it yet, DON'T
Go spend your hard-earned money on some nasi lemak instead.