Monday, 27 February 2012

20 Things That Went Through My Mind During the Oscars

1) Billy Crystal. Give him the hosting job FOR LIFE please. No more mucking about with shit like Franco/Hathaway (as good looking as they were), or unprovens like Eddie Murphy.

2) Ok, that said, the opening montage and the song and dance didn't really cut it for me. I think Crystal was rusty.

3) Wouldn't it be funny if the winners for The Artist had gone up there with placards and signed their way through the acceptance speeches instead? For added effect, throw in a few barks from Uggie the doggie.

4) Five for The Artist (including three majors), five minor ones for Hugo. The Scorsese Drinking Game should have been called the Hugo Drinking Game instead. Or change it to The Artist Game, where you drink every time someone doesn't say anything. Or everytime the camera panned to the dog.

5) Natalie Portman. Emma Stone. Cameron Diaz. Angelina Jolie. Penelope Cruz. Milla Jovovich. Tina Fey. Jennifer Lopez. Can the Academy just dispense with the male presenters once and for all? I don't even remember what Owen Wilson looked like when he came out together with Penelope...

6) The In Memoriam segment was kinda sad. And why Steve Jobs, you ask? No Jobs, NO PIXAR.

7) Will Ferrell and Zach Gianagahwhatever. Serious Musicians With Cymbals. Awesome.

8) Ooh Cirque Du Soleil! Er, did that acrobat lose his footing?

9) No performances of the nominated Original Songs. Heck, no songs at all, other than Esperanza Spalding singing during the In Memoriam segment. On one hand, it made the show seem shorter than usual. On the other hand, I would have LOVED to see the Man and Muppet song performed live.

10) RANGO! YAY! No Pixar this year, and but Dreamworks STILL couldn't win Best Animated Feature, even with TWO nominations.

11) Dear dear Meryl Streep. But before anyone says the Academy is Meryl's bitch, remember this (which The Great Swifty pointed out to me): She's had 17 nominations, and this was only her third win. Her LAST win was almost THIRTY YEARS AGO, for Sophie's Choice.

12) Did J-Lo REALLY have a wardrobe malfunction during her presentation? *searches Google Images*

13) The Bridesmaids. Wah that Rose Byrne REALLY looks skinny, especially next to Melissa McCarthy (who was AWESOME). Oh, and I was rooting for Kristen Wigg to win the best screenplay award, but when Woody Allen is around, what can you do?

14) I love Robert Downey Jr., but I thought his documentary schtick didn't really work. It felt abit forced, and it didn't help that Gwyneth was damn kayu. But DAMN, they should have had them present an award to The Iron Lady. That would have been awesome.

15) I thought the segments where the movie stars talk about what the movies mean to them was nice at first, but should have been kept to maybe two segments only. And Morgan Freeman actually watched the ORIGINAL King Kong in the cinema. Is he THAT old??!!???

16) Uggie The Doggie! WHEE! Why wasn't Joey the War horse there as well?

17) I wish Sacha Baron Cohen would throw ash on Ryan Seacrest EVERY YEAR, just to get that smug-faced fella off the show.

18) Justin Bieber in an Oscars Montage? THE HORROR!

19) Ah, Christopher Plummer. Good on ya, Captain Von Trapp. Dear Academy, please give Gary Oldman an Oscar as well kthxbai.

20) Best acceptance speeches: Octavia Spencer, Meryl Streep, Brett McKenzie.


KY said...

morgan freeman is not old, but he is omnipresence in all of time & space. he is god.

spiller said...

JLO pwns Diaz anytime :)