Tuesday, 24 April 2012
Not a Review.
Joss Whedon is God.
But first, let's here it from the Avengers themselves.
This is Captain America.
I will lead you into this review.
I'm still a bit old fashion,
Maybe a little goody goody
And my costume still looks silly,
But boy do I kick ass.
Hi, billionaire playboy philanthropist here.
I'm still awesome.
And do a whole lot more than the rest hehe,
But I kid, I kid,
No, really, I'm still fucking awesome.
And there's no other way to say that.
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME.
It is I, Thor!
Thou will do well to listen to me!
For I am the mighty THOR!
Marvel at my Point Break hair!
Be dazzled as call upon lightning,
And argue with my brother!
For verily, I am still emo and angsty,
But Hulk loves me!
Does thou not love me, Hulk?
HULK IS AWESOME!
HULK LIKE NEW BANNER!
HULK DO MORE THAN SMASH!
HULK FUNNY TOO!
LAUGH OR HULK SMASH YOU!
Agent Romanoff here.
Sorry sir, I'm not here to play nice.
I ain't no token female hero.
I ain't no whiny love interest either.
Think of me that way, and I'll kick your ass.
And still look fabulous at the same time.
(Oh, and you better give me a 10/10 Cleavage Rating)
Or I'll manipulate your ASS off you.
Hawkeye reporting in.
Don't ya make fun of my arrows.
Or I'll put one in your eye.
My arrows may not look like much,
But I sure know how to use them.
Now bring on Bourne.
GET THOSE MOTHERFUCKING ALIENS OFF MY MOTHERFUCKING PLANET!
And get that skinnyass Loki in here.
I'm gonna kick his skinny ass back to Asgard.
Oh wait, I have a team to do that for me now.
Go kick some motherfucking alien and god ass, team.
THAT is how you make a superhero teamup movie.
Whedon gave EVERYONE their turn to shine,
Great action, lots of superhero bustups,
And none of the characters were there to make up the numbers.
(ok, except maybe Robi... er.. Maria Hill.)
But why hor, do all the blockbusters' Earth-shattering devices,
All come in a shape of a CUBE?
Oh well, who cares,
In case you're still wondering,
THIS IS AWESOME.
It's gonna be hard for Batman to top THIS.
(Though I doubt Nolan cares about topping this)
Go watch this in IMAX if you can,
Oh, and stay for a little while after the movie.
There's a little something midway through the credits.
Something Marvel fans will be salivating over,
(and which the general population will be scratching their heads over hehe.
JOSS WHEDON IS GOD.