Friday, 1 June 2012

THERE WILL BE BLOOD (But is it acidic?)


Prometheus.
Not a review.
This movie is asks a lot of questions.
Where do we come from?
Who made us?
WHY did they make us?
What exactly IS Prometheus?
And WILL THERE BE ALIENS???


Is that the Space Jockey from Alien?
What is he doing in Prometheus?
What is Weyland Corp up to this time?
What are those strange cylinders?
What is the significance of that BIG GIANT HEAD?


What do androids do on the ships when the crew is in stasis?
What is Michael Fassbender's android up to?
Why is Charlize Theron so hot?
Why does Noomi Rapace remind me of Sigourney Weaver?
And WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BIG GIANT HEAD??!!????


So, Prometheus IS set in the Alien universe?
But is it actually an Alien prequel?
Or is it something else entirely?
Then why does it feel so much like an Alien movie?
And why does it keep making us ask this questions?
AND WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THAT BIG GIANT HEAD??!!????


Should you go and watch it?
Do you love Alien movies?
Do you like Ridley Scott's Alien?
Do you like moody, atmospheric science fiction?
Do you want to forget the memory of those horrible AVP movies?
Then why are you asking me such a dumb question for?


BUT is it an Alien movie or not?
Are there facehuggers?
Are there chestbursters?
And most of all,
ARE THERE VICIOUS XENOMORPHS WITH PENIS SHAPED HEADS?
Why do you want to know so much?
Don't you want the movie to surprise you instead?

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