Wednesday, 19 September 2012
Not A Review.
JUDGEMENT: NOT DREDD-FULL
JUDGE DREDD IS BACK.
LOOK OUT, MEGA-CITY ONE.
LOVE THE LAW, NOT DREDD IT.
Love Dredd, for HE IS THE LAW.
Now THIS is a Judge Dredd movie.
Not like that stupid Stallone movie,
Which was corny as hell,
And committed the ULTIMATE SACRILEGE.
DREDD DOES NOT TAKE OFF HIS HELMET OMG.
EAT YOUR HEART OUT, SYLVESTOR STALLONE.
Karl Urban's Dredd ROCKS.
KARL URBAN IS DREDD.
And he didn't even have to take off his helmet.
His CHIN acted better than Stallone.
Heck, he deserves the Time MAgazine award,
for CHIN OF THE YEAR.
Oooh, that blonde chick is pretty hot.
Ok, she's all suited up in armour,
So no cleavage rating.
But THOSE EYES.
Look AT THOSE EYES.
(And don't let her read your mind).
WHOA Lena Headey.
WHAT did they do to your FACE?
Was it the damn Greyjoys? Or the Freys?
Or was it those damn T800s?
Whatever, you are one scary bitch.
Makes Expendables look like child's play.
Ok, maybe not,
But the action here was certainly a lot grittier,
And the violence was a lot more graphic too.
And there aren't as many wrinkles or saggy biceps.
And in THREEE DEEEEEE...
Too bad it ain't in IMAX.
Oh well, at least the action is solid.
Story? What story?
GO WATCH IT.
OR THE LAW WILL KICK YOUR ASS.