Thursday, 20 December 2012

Stop Preaching And Beat Up Some Bad Guys Already, Jackie.

Not a review.
After all that mucking about with dramatic roles,
Jackie Chan is back!
Well, sort of.
He goes back to the old school sort of stunts and action,
But it's very clear that he's too old for this shit already.

I missed this Jackie Chan.
The one that used to fall off clock towers,
Hang off buses with umbrellas,
And fly around KL on a helicopter rope ladder.
Sure, he's older now, And not so fast,
even when he's wearing a roller suit.

Ok, the plot is pretty dumb,
and the middle part in the jungle is jawdroppingly BAD
(featuring the stupidest pirates ever filmed)
The dialouge is HORRENDOUS.
English? French? Mandarin?

Hmmm, cute girl though.
But VERY VERY Annoyingly self-righteous.
Wanted to slap her a few times.
No cleavage rating though.
But really, if you wanted cleavage,
You should have gone to the recent press conference in KL
She didn't just show cleavage,
She was almost TOPLESS.
(No, I can't publish those photos here, heh)

Still, it's Jackie Chan.
The action is still pretty good.
The sofa fight against the Vulture was great,
And that final fight in the factory was awesome,
but still a bit tame by his earlier standards
And he recycled all his old tricks,
Like, stop whacking your balls with sticks already, Jackie.

Oh, and yes we get it, Jackie.
Stolen national relics should go back to their countries.
Doesn't mean you have to keep HAMMERING on about it.
To the point of being overwhelmingly PREACHY.
go beat up some bad guys already.

1 comment:

KY said...

still gonna watch, have to watch, going to watch!