Friday, 27 April 2012

20 Comics That Would make AWESOME TV Shows


1) Gotham Central - Imagine a nitty-gritty crime procedural set in Gotham City, and focusing on the Gotham PD's Major Crimes Unit. Imagine being a police officer in a city with Batman. I want this TV show to be made SO BADLY.

2) Transmetropolitan: Spider Jerusalem rocks. He's an almost insane journalist in a futuristic City who sticks his middle finger at establishment and government by.... writing a column. A thoroughly kickass character whose vocabulary has more swear words than actual words. Carrie Bradshaw isn't even worthy enough to lick the bottom left notch in the sole of his boots.

3) Runaways - A group of kids who find out their parents are part of a gang of supervillains, and runaway from home. There was supposed to be a Runaways movie, but it's still stuck in pre-development hell. A light-hearted, Buffy-like ensemble TV show would probably suit it better though, plus the kids don't wear stupid spandex costumes, so it would be easier to produce. I think.

4) Sandman: Seriously, they've been wrestling with making a Sandman movie since the beginning of Destiny, and they're still nowhere near greenlighting it. And for good reason. The story is so sprawling, has so much depth and characters, that putting it all in ONE movie would NEVER be able to do it justice. So why not make it a TV show instead. With the right producers, it could be an epic, dark serialised show that doesn't just focus on Dream, but even Death, and the rest of the Endless as well. Think of the possibilities!

5) DMZ: New York City. War zone. This is the story of one journalist in the middle of the DMZ, struggling to make sense of the senseless fighting in his own country... Would make a great, intense, story-driven serialised show.

6) Y: The Last Man: Hey, The Walking Dead is set in a world full of zombies. How different is that from a world full of women and only ONE man (and his monkey)? Get a REALLY good looking guy to play Yorrick, and LOTS of hot chicks. WIN!

7) Top Ten: One of my favourite Alan Moore stories, about a police force on a world full of superheroes. Should be awesome.

8) Hellblazer: Yes, I know he already had a feature film, but though it was entertaining, Keanu Reeves just ain't Constantine. Besides, the rich texture and awesome supernatural stories that Constantine gets into make for an awesome TV show. The BBC really should consider making this one, just so they can make it as British as possible.

9) Fables: Once upon a time, this would have been on top of my list. But now, thanks to shows like Grimm and Once Upon a Time, I think the market for fable-related TV shows is already kinda crowded. Would still be great to see Fables turned into a proper show though. It WAS optioned for a show in 2010, but that project is dead now.

10) Ultimate Spider-man: Sure, he's got lots of movies already, but the storyline in Ultimate Spider-man neatly balances his superhero exploits with his his personal life, relationship and growing pains; as well as how he copes with being a teenager with superpowers. Smallville, eat your heart out.

11) 100 Bullets: 100 Episodes of gritty, ultra-violent hardcore crime drama. Perfect.

12) Animal Man - One of the more offbeat superheroes in the DC universe. Animal Man can absorb and use the abilities of any animal in the vicinity; but the main appeal of this comic is not the superhero part, but how Buddy Barker manages to juggle being a family man AND being a superhero. Would make a damn good family drama, I bet.

13) BPRD: Hellboy's got his own movies, so why can't the BPRD have their own show? It could be a Fringe or X-Files-like show where the team investigates a Monster of The Week, and the central plot could be one of the long running stories in the comic books like Plague of Frogs or something.

14) Books Of Magic: Before there was Harry Potter, there was Tim Hunter, who was introduced to magic by the Trenchcoat Brigade, which includes John Constantine, the Phantom Stranger, Doctor Occult and Mister E. Against THIS lot, Hagrid would have been banished to Never-neverland even before he lifted his silly umbrella. There could even be a potential crossover to the Constantine TV show!

15) Ex-Machina - A political drama with superheroes. Ok, ONE superhero. Who is also the Mayor of New York. Who as a superhero saved one of the World Trade Center towers during 9/11. from You can't tell me this isn't the perfect premise for a TV show about politics and superheroes.

16) Batman: Gotham Knights - This won't be just a show about Batman, but about all his allies as well. Heck, they could make Robin the main protagonist of the show, and show how the Bat-team (which includes Oracle, Robin, Huntress, Azrael and so on) work together to fight crime in Gotham. It'll be like Gotham Central, but with a lighter focus and on the superheroes instead. I'm sure there'd be A LOT of drama to mine just from the interactions between each superhero. There could even be a crossover with the Gotham Central series! 

17) Preacher: This was actually optioned for a TV show way back in 2006, but it's currently in limbo. It should ideally be a more Western type show, but it won't be easy to adapt a show about a preacher who wants to hunt down the REAL God and get Him to answer for His sins. And seriously... ARSEFACE? Good luck trying to get HIM on the show.
 
18) Resurrection Man: Admittedly, I've only read RM's New DC 52 comics, so I'm not very well-versed in the character as a whole. But hey, he's a guy who dies, and is resurrected each time with different super powers. Would make a GREAT Quantum Leap styled series. I was considering putting Deadman here instead, but Resurrection Man somehow seems a lot more interesting to me...

19) League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen - Chances of THIS ever being made is virtually nil, considering that Alan Moore absolutely ABHORES working with Hollywood after they mangled up the LXG movie (a movie so bad that Sean Connery quit acting after that haha). But it would be GREAT to have a movie about the LXG, set in different ages. Just have the two main characters Alan Quatermain and Mina Harker (three if you want to count Orlando) and have different literary figures join them on each episode. Would probably be hell getting the permission to write many of the characters into the show though, but wouldn't it be GREAT if they pulled it off?

20) Tank Girl - Would probably be more suited as a cartoon, to be honest, but it would be a hoot if there was a Tank Girl TV show. It should ideally be a sitcom though, since I'm not sure Tank girl's antics could be stretched to a one hour drama.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

AVENGERS! ASSEMBLED AND AWESOME!


The Avengers.
Not a Review.
FINALLY ASSEMBLED!
AND AWESOME!
Joss Whedon is God.
But first, let's here it from the Avengers themselves.


This is Captain America.
I will lead you into this review.
I'm still a bit old fashion,
Maybe a little goody goody
And my costume still looks silly,
But boy do I kick ass.


Hi, billionaire playboy philanthropist here.
I'm still awesome.
And do a whole lot more than the rest hehe,
But I kid, I kid,
No, really, I'm still fucking awesome.
And there's no other way to say that.
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME.


It is I, Thor!
Thou will do well to listen to me!
For I am the mighty THOR!
Marvel at my Point Break hair!
Be dazzled as call upon lightning,
And argue with my brother!
For verily, I am still emo and angsty,
But Hulk loves me!
Does thou not love me, Hulk?
Hulk?


HULK SMASH!
HULK IS AWESOME!
HULK LIKE NEW BANNER!
HULK DO MORE THAN SMASH!
HULK FUNNY TOO!
LAUGH OR HULK SMASH YOU!
SMASH! GRRWWARR!!!


Agent Romanoff here.
Sorry sir, I'm not here to play nice.
I ain't no token female hero.
I ain't no whiny love interest either.
Think of me that way, and I'll kick your ass.
And still look fabulous at the same time.
(Oh, and you better give me a 10/10 Cleavage Rating)
Or I'll manipulate your ASS off you.


Hawkeye reporting in.
Don't ya make fun of my arrows.
Or I'll put one in your eye.
My arrows may not look like much,
But I sure know how to use them.
Now bring on Bourne.


Fury here.
GET THOSE MOTHERFUCKING ALIENS OFF MY MOTHERFUCKING PLANET!
And get that skinnyass Loki in here.
I'm gonna kick his skinny ass back to Asgard.
Oh wait, I have a team to do that for me now.
Go kick some motherfucking alien and god ass, team.


THAT is how you make a superhero teamup movie.
Whedon gave EVERYONE their turn to shine,
Great action, lots of superhero bustups,
And none of the characters were there to make up the numbers.
(ok, except maybe Robi... er.. Maria Hill.)
But why hor, do all the blockbusters' Earth-shattering devices,
All come in a shape of a CUBE?


Oh well, who cares,
In case you're still wondering,
THIS IS AWESOME.
It's gonna be hard for Batman to top THIS.
(Though I doubt Nolan cares about topping this)


Go watch this in IMAX if you can,
Oh, and stay for a little while after the movie.
There's a little something midway through the credits.
Something Marvel fans will be salivating over,
(and which the general population will be scratching their heads over hehe.
JOSS WHEDON IS GOD.

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

I'll Unfollow Youuuu


I'LL UNFOLLOW YOU
 
I'll unfollow youuuu,
Unfollow you because your tweets are dumb,
Your updates are nothing but shit,
I'll report you for spam just to keep you awaaay,

I'll unfollow youuuu
Ever since you dissed my friend, I knew,
That I can't stand reading your tweets,
And nothing you say is legit,
Just lots of idiocy...

CHORUS:
I'll Unfriend you, unfriend you, unfriend you
And on Twitter I'll unfollow, unfollow, unfollow,
I'll ban you from my Circles, my circles, my circles,
And block you forever, forever, forever...

I'll unfollow youuuu
Especially if you are a Manyoo fan,
Stop spamming my timeline, you dick,
I don't care for your mindless retweets,
So just go away... and you'll make my daaay!

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

E-10! HIT! B-8! MISS! BATTLESHIP! HIT!


Battleship
Not a Review.
Used to play this with exercise books in school.
Damn fun, but bloody waste of paper.
And it's damn frustrating,
Especially when you use those exercise books with TINY boxes,
Once played using a piece that had 100 boxes across and down.
Took forever to finish the stupid game.


WAH not bad for a movie based on a bloody board game.
LOUD, DUMB and EXPLOSIVE.
Like Transformers without the Transformers.
Loads of good, entertaining action,
And very little logic. LOL
But at least they put most of the emphasis on the SHIPS.
It IS Battleship after all.
Not Battle ON a ship.


FOOYOR Malaysian Navy was also part of the fleet!
But only mentioned once.
And never seen again.
Probably couldn't even get the ship out of the dock LOL.
Or maybe it was one of our submarines.
Broke down on the way to the battle.


WAH they even put the BOARDGAME in the movie!
Ok, not the actual board
(that would have been really a boring movie)
But they used the same concept as the boardgame!
(in one scene only lah, not the whole movie).


Mmmm, Brooklyn Decker. HOT.
Cleavage Rating 9!
Didn't really do much though.
But at least she was MUCH better than Rosie HW.
Gee Taylor Kitsch looks so ordinary without his long hair.
Looks a lot like Channing Tatum, in fact.
WTF.


Rihanna? Didn't show ANY skin, surprisingly.
You'd think they'd find SOME excuse for her to take her top off.
Stick her in some wheat field somewhere or something.
But NOOOOO.
At least she was cool though.
Quite badass too actually.


For some super advanced alien race,
The ones here seem pretty stupid.
Like, what's the use of a ship that can fly through space,
Then crashes and just floats and hops around at sea?
And what's with the super-awesome force field,
Which can cover an ENTIRE ISLAND,
But can't even protect your OWN SHIP?
Oh and HELLO, YOUR SUITS. HALO MUCH?


But forget all the stupid illogical stuff.
This was pretty entertaining.
Leave your brain behind and get blown stuff.
Pure popcorn action blockbuster stuff.
Worth watching in cinema because of the awesome battles.
And I've always preferred battles on the sea.
It just seems a lot cooler, and more intelligent somehow.

(We're gonna need a bigger gun, sir)

So, Transformers & GI Joe, DONE
Battleship: DONE.
What toy or boardgame next? Jenga? Monopoly? Scrabble?
Hmm, a movie version of Scrabble.
Battle of the alphabets! Any word you form comes true.
Oooh, and what about Tic-Tac-Toe: The Movie?
That'll be AWESOME!
XOXO!

Thursday, 5 April 2012

20 Reasons Why The Cranberries Concert Rocked


1) Voice gone. Neck sore from too much headbanging. TOTALLY WORTH IT.

2) Actually, there were 22 reasons, but I didn't want to populate this list with just the song titles heh.

3) They started out with Dreams, then Linger. Now THAT is what I call an opening!

4) Stadium Negara didn't seem as stuffy and warm as the Jason Mraz concert we were at few years back. Looks like they fixed the air-conditioning...


5) Dolores was awesomely cute on stage. She wore this little black tutu and was dancing around, flapping her arms around wildly and headbanging, like a little, rocking black swan.

6) Would the band have been banned if they had known Dolores would be wearing a tutu onstage? LOL

7) There's just something about bands from the 90's that make for really awesome concerts. Green Day, Jimmy Eat World, and now Cranberries. Maybe it's because their back catalog is usually choke-full of awesome songs (they don't write songs like those these days), and because I know all those awesome songs AND can sing them all by heart. I still think that the best concerts are the ones where you know all the songs.

8) That said, the Cranberries DID play most of their back catalogue, with all the hits and familiar songs. This was more of a Greatest Hits concert than an album promo, so it made all of us very happy. :D


9) I rediscovered No Need To Argue. It used to be one of my favorite albums of all time, but I completely forgot about it. Last night, they sang almost half of the album, though not my utmost favorite song - No Need to Argue.

10) ODE TO MY FAMILY! That ranked as one of my favorite concert singalongs EVAR.

11) The heavier, more complex Daffodil Lament was one of the least likely songs I thought they'd play. Reminded me of how dark the entire No Need To Argue album actually was.

12) I didn't think much of the new album at first, but after hearing some of the songs live, I think I might give it another shot. Conduct seemed especially nice.


13) Though as expected, a lot of the new songs didn't get much of a response. The band was wise to slot them in sporadically after 3-4 older ones, just to keep the crowd going.

14) I used to be a HUGE Cranberries fan a long time ago. I'm surprised I still remember so many of their songs, AND can still singalong to most of them...

15) ZOMBIE! ZOMBIE! ZOMBIEEEEEE!!!!!

16) OH, that ONE SONG you all know means you all HAVE to hold up your bloody phones and RECORD it lah, right? C'mon you idiots, it's ZOMBIE. STOP RECORDING AND START HEADBANGING, GODDAMIT.

17) Sometimes I wonder why people spend so much money on concert tickets then just stand or sit there doing nothing but take pictures or videos.

18) All the same, despite the lack of concerts here, Malaysian concert crowds are SO MUCH more fun than Singaporean ones. At least a vast majority of us actually DO dance, jump, scream and sing along most of the time.


19) After the frenzy of Zombie, the encore seemed a bit anti-climatic, especially since they sang two new songs in the beginning. But ending with the massive shoutfests Salvation and Promises made up for it. :D

20) From stadium to home in 20 minutes. Parking down the hill at Kampung Attap was a good decision indeed.

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

20 Observations of a Poor Guy in Monaco


1) The view from the top of the hill while you're entering Monaco is BEAUTIFUL. The weather is awesome too. Sunny, cool, low humidity and lots of nice seaside breezes. Awesome.

2) What do you call people who come from Monaco? Monacans? Monocans? Monacoese? Monacish? Mohicans?

3) There is NO WAY I'd be able to afford a holiday here.

4) Does EVERYONE here wear Louis Vuitton, Prada, Hermes etc etc? Heck, even the BUS KILANG is Versace...


5) They are REALLY proud of and REALLY respect their Royal Family here.

6) That said, One of the most frequently asked questions tourists ask must be: "Is that Grace Kelly?"

7) Oooh look, the famous Monte Carlo casino! But I went inside the casino, and it er... wasn't really that happening lor.


8) I didn't see a single 7-Eleven there. Maybe there is one somewhere, but I get the feeling that the people who live in Monaco aren't the type who would NEED to go to a 7-Eleven for ANYTHING anyway...

9) On that note, I didn't see a single fast food restaurant there either. No McD, no KFC... just a lot of bakeries. Expensive ones.

10) There was a beer place though - Brasserie De Monaco. I say A beer place because it is apparently the only place in Monaco that brews its own beers. Trust ME to be the one who finds it, eh? heh heh. Anyway. it brews organic craft beers, to be exact. I tried all three of them - the lager, the wheat and the amber, and my favorite was the Amber.


11) THAT'S what you call a "shopping center"? One row of five shops on the ground floor of an apartment building? Oh wait, there's one near Monte Carlo.... OMG HOW MUCH DID YOU SAY THAT COSTS???

12) Do people have babies here? Do the babies grow up here? Because I seriously didn't see that many kids around, besides the ones belonging to tourists...

13) OH MY GOD, a TINTIN SHOP! (*cue much spending of money*) What's a TINTIN shop doing in Monaco??!!?? Do people in Monaco love Tintin THAT much?

14) The public access elevators that go from street to street and allow you to go from the very top of the hill to the port in a matter of minutes are AWESOME.

15) Oh my, those are some REALLY BIG BOATS. And is that a HELICOPTER on one of them???


16) Then again, it just LOOKS nice. Everything seems a little... well, superficial. Everyone seems a little put-on. Reminds me of Singapore, but richer and with nicer weather. Heh heh.

17) Speaking of Singapore, THIS street race would definitely kick THAT street race's ass ANYTIME. And I didn't even get to see THIS street race.

18) For once I wish I had a Ferrari to drive around. Just so I can pretend I'm in the Monaco F1 GP and take the SAME CORNERS as the ones in the race, and go through the tunnel. WHEEE!

19) I'd LOVE to know what that poor guard marching up and down non-stop for hours in front of the Royal Palace is thinking. "My arms are killing me"? "Left, right, left, right, left right hup!"? "Those Buckingham Palace Redhats have it easy. All they do is STAND there."?

20) Oh look, a seagull. And there's another one! and another one. And another, and another, and AIEEE GO AWAY AND LET ME EAT MY BREAKFAST IN PEACE!!!!