Tuesday, 29 May 2012

On Which Planet is Kristen Stewart Hotter Than Charlize Theron?


Snow White And The Huntsman,
Not a Review.
Kristen Stewart is Snow White.
The Fairest Of them All.
And Charlize Theron is the Evil Queen.
Who is supposedly not as "fair" as Snow White.
Now, let that sink in a little...


WHAT??!!??
KRISTEN STEWART IS SNOW WHITE?
The FAIREST OF THEM ALL?
OVER CHARLIZE THERON??!!??
KRISTEN STEWART, that SPARKLY VAMPIRE FREAK,
IS SUPPOSED TO BE HOTTER THAN CHARLIZE THERON?
WHAT MADNESS IS THIS?
WHICH RETARD DID THE CASTING?

Oh look, cleavage.

Breath in, breath out.
Oh ok, the movie, the movie.
WHAT MOVIE?
EVERY TIME Kristen Stewart came on,
I was like, FUCK THIS SHIT.
On which PLANET is Kristen Stewart supposed to be hotter than Charlize Theron?


Ahem.
Ok, fine. Plot, plot...
It's the same old Snow White story,
With a twist.
Got apple, dwarves, Prince Charming, Huntsman,
And Mirror Mirror On The Wall, and all that.
And little animals following her around and all that shit.
It's enough to make you want to start singing HI HO, HI HO...


THOR!
HOW COULD YOU?
Where is Mjolnir?
Where is your common sense?
HULK IS NOT PLEASED. HULK SMASH PUNY GOD.
(ok you were fine, but still... it's KRISTEN STEWART).


Frankly, it's a bit dull.
Draggy in some parts, and pointless in others.
It felt like they were just shoehorning the Snow White stuff in,
Other times, it felt like they were ripping off LOTR.
Speaking of which...
WHY ON MIDDLE EARTH,
DOES SHE HAVE THE WHITE TREE OF GONDOR ON HER SHIELD???


Anyway, I think they were taking themselves too seriously.
Mirror Mirror was at least ok in a quirky kinda way.
This one just felt like they were trying too hard to be serious,
And trying too hard to make us believe,
That KRISTEN STEWART CAN BE SNOW WHITE.


No, seriously, Kristen Stewart spoilt the movie for me.
There is no fucking way I could accept her as "Fairest Of Them All".
Especially when she's standing next to Charlize Theron.
CHARLIZE THERON, FFS.
CHARLIZE "GODDESS" THERON.
CHARLIZE "Hot even when she's covered in MILK" THERON:


Hey, here's a thought.
Maybe Kristen Stewart is the "Fairest of Them All"
Because you know, she's just not bias at all.
She should be a judge, damn it!
Or maybe it's cos she really IS very fair.
As in really pale.
She shoulda been a snowman instead.

Friday, 25 May 2012

Bat, Cat and Bane, Hanging on the Wall...

The Avengers? So last month. Spider-man? HAH!

ALL RISE FOR THE NEW MOST-ANTICIPATED MOVIE OF THE YEAR:


And as if that new Dark Knight Rises poster wasn't enough to get me excited over all things Batman already, they went and release SIX, yes SIX new character posters featuring the three main characters in the movie.

First up, Batman looking as moody and brooding as ever:


And the very scary looking Bane:


Yup, banish that stupid, dumbass, idiotic brute of a Bane from Batman Forever err... forever from your minds, for this is Bane at his most sinister and most chilling yet.

The clincher for me though, is of course... CATWOMAN:


I'm not convinced by the mask though. But hey, it's Anne Hathaway. In a leather catsuit. Straddling a BATPOD. A BATPOD. HOLY PRINCESS CATWOMAN, BATMAN.

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

At Least I Didn't Have To Flashy Thingy Myself Again


Men In Black III
Not a Review.
Here come the Men in Black! (Again!)
Galaxy defenders! (Again!)
Here come the Men In Black! (Again!)
They won't let you remember! (Men In Black II!)


Has it REALLY been 15 years since the first MIB?
Now THAT was an awesome movie.
MIB2 made me want to flashy thingy myself.
Oh wait, I REALLY don't remember MIB2.
I think I DID flashy thingy myself.


Will Smith still looks the same after 15 years.
WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?
Is he an alien?
Wah Tommy Lee Jones has gotten cragglier than ever.
His face has more valleys and craters than the moon.
And he isn't around most of the movie.
Great contract, Tommy.


Josh Brolin as Tommy Lee Jones!
Not bad, not bad.
He's more Tommy Lee Joness than Tommy Lee Jones.
Ok that didn't make sense.
Then again, this is MIB.
Nothing makes sense here.


Time travel! Andy Warhol!
Flashy thingies! BIG flashy thingies!
Space bikes! Evil aliens!
That dude from Flight of The Conchords!


Ok lah it's quite fun.
Not as fresh as the first MIB,
But it's still fun.
A lot of hit and miss jokes though.
But Will Smith doesn't seem as funny as before.
Oh well, at least it's much better than MIB2.
Oh look, I remembered MIB2.
Excuse me while I go flashy thingy myself again.


Oh look. Cleavage!
Cleavage rating 5.
Because it's Nicole whatshername.
And she was only in the movie for like 3 minutes.
Bah.


Green alien in rubber suit does not approve.

Friday, 18 May 2012

20 Reasons to go for Brewfest 2012



1) Over 50 different beers to try! I was there yesterday from 2pm to 1130pm, and even I only managed to get up to 31 different beers, and this was with my "Don't drink the same beer twice all day" rule (Of course I didn't finish ENTIRE BOTTLES, just tasting samples, but still...)

2) BREWFEST is MAlaysia's FIRST EVER Malaysia’s 1st International Beer Festival. MUST SUPPORT!

3) It's cozy and easy to get to. The Brewfest is happening at Publika @ Solaris Dutams/Mont Kiara, which is reasonably easy to get to, and parking is not too tough either.

4) It starts at 5.30pm, and goes on until late at night, TODAY and TOMORROW. Which means lots of time to TRY ALL THE BEERS!

5) All the beers are sold at cost price. For instance, at Taps, a Mikkeller or an Orkney would set you back about RM30++ at least. At Brewfest, they're selling them at RM15-20 EACH. Now THAT'S a steal.

6) OK, there's a RM68 entry fee that includes two beers. But  the number of awesome and different beers available AND the price they're being sold at makes the entry fee WORTH EVERY PENNY.

7) Taps Beer Bar is one of the most awesome beer places in KL right now, with almost 60 different beers on tap and in bottle. They've brought about 40 of those beers along with them to Brewfest, and are selling those at cost price, so this is an AWESOME chance to check out all those beers!

8) THIS AWESOME HOT DOG. One of the best I've ever tasted!

9) Hitachino Nest! I love Jibiru in Singapore, and the guys from that place have brought up some of their awesome Hitachino Nest Japanese Craft beers for Brewfest. The Yona Yona and Espresso Stout is especially awesome!

10) Douglas Lim stand-up comedy. His shows can be patchy, but after a few beers, hey, he might get funnier. The show we attended last night was pretty funny. :D

11) Mikkeller Beer Geek Breakfast - thick, rich, chocolaty, coffee-y and awesome.

12) For the lovers of lighter beers, there's Warsteiner, Tsingtao, Suntory, Konig Ludwig and even some Singha available as well!

13) Besides the hot dogs, the food is decent as well - there's a stall selling deep fried chicken skin, salmon skin and chicken soft bones. and another that has some great pork ribs too!

14) A festival like this is WAY overdue. We need beer events like this to help educate drinkers that beer is not just about the commercial lagers and the big boys. There is SO MUCH MORE To beer than just Tiger, Carlsberg or Guinness.

15) No Overtime crap shit piss Starker beer.

16) There's a good variety of beers there, not just lagers, but some great stouts, ales, fruit beers, and even a bit of cider here and there. There's evern a DIM SUM BEER. There are Trappist ales, abbey ales, crazy ales and all sorts of ales. TRY THEM ALL!

17) DO try to be more experimental with your beers. Don't be afraid to try something new, because that's what beer festivals are all about - expanding your horizons and finding out more about beer.

18) Be careful though, some of these beers are REALLY STRONG. There are quite a number of 8% and 9% beers, including the Hitachino Nest XH (an awesome stout, BTW)

19) If you are trying new stuff, try to talk to the guys behind the counter to see what to try. Guys like Alvin from Taps and Charlie from Hitachino are more than willing to explain their beers and give you some recommendations.

20) FIFTY DIFFERENT BEERS TO TRY! COME ON, THAT SHOULD BE THE ONLY REASON TO GO FOR BREWFEST!



(Some of the photos here were taken from Suanie's post about Brewfest, which you can read HERE!)

Thursday, 10 May 2012

GREAT SCOT! GREAT POSTERS!

GREAT SCOT! New and AWESOME Back To The Future posters!

AND they form a GIGANTIC poster of the Delorean! AIEEEE!


MUST. OWN. THESE. NO. MONEY. GAAAAAH

Check em out HERE!

Thursday, 3 May 2012

100 Things I've Learnt In 10 Years As a Features Writer

In conjunction with World Press Freedom Day today, I decided to list out 100 things I’ve learnt in the past ten years I’ve been a Features writer in the newspaper.

Bear in mind that these are mostly my own personal observations and lessons I have personally learnt, so it may not apply to all journalists. Over the past ten years, I’ve developed a routine to my work, and a certain way of doing things. Other journalists have their own styles of working as well. The items listed on this list is based on MY own personal style. It's not been smooth sailing all these years, and god knows I've made a lot of mistakes and learnt a lot of harsh lessons.

Also, a lot of this list more about the WRITING part of my job, and not so much the serious journalism part, so to many, it may seem more like a 100 things I learnt about FEATURES WRITING more than about journalism. I freewrote most of these, so there MIGHT be some repetitions as well.

Oh and one more thing. I have to stress AGAIN that these are my PERSONAL OPINIONS, and do not reflect the views of the newspaper I work in. If you have a beef against the newspaper, its owners or what it stands for in general, and wish to express your opinion about it... DON'T. Because I'll probably just delete your comment. Heh. Hey, it's MY BLOG.

So anyway, here are the 100 things I learnt in the past 10 years as a newspaper features writer:

  1. The intro is everything.
  2. If you’re stuck on your intro, do the rest of the story first, then the intro.
  3. Don’t be afraid to restructure or rewrite your entire article if you think it’s too boring
  4. Get your facts right.
  5. Be objective.
  6. If you can’t be objective about a subject, interview someone who can and use him in the story instead of using your own biased opinions.
  7. Get your bloody grammar right.
  8. WHO WHAT WHERE WHEN HOW.
  9. If you think what you’ve written is boring, it probably is.
  10. There is no such thing as writer’s block.
  11. Writer’s block is just another name for procrastination.
  12. Write first, edit later.
  13. If you ARE stuck, just write down whatever you think of and then edit it later
  14. If you REALLY can’t think of anything to write, stop writing and do something else.
  15. Don’t just think of what to write. Think of what photos should go with the story as well.
  16. It’s a lot more fun to interview someone without writing notes.
  17. I really hate PR people who keep interrupting my interviews or try to make me ask questions THEY want me to ask.
  18. I tend to like PR people who at least take the time to find out how the newspaper works, how the process flows, and who the right people to call are.
  19. I REALLY HATE PR people bugging me about when a story will be published.
  20. If you’ve written a story using a particular angle before, think of another way to write it.
  21. Write what you know.
  22. You don’t need a super canggih Macbook to write. I’ve used my phone to write whole articles before.
  23. READ. Read A LOT. It’ll help you pick up stuff you can use in your articles later.
  24. A writer can be a blogger too.
  25. A blogger can be a writer too.
  26. Having a blog doesn’t automatically make you a writer.
  27. If you want to be a writer, write.
  28. There’s no point using a word if you don’t understand it.
  29. If in doubt, don’t use the damn word.
  30. PUNCTUATION!!!!!!
  31. Don’t be afraid to be creative with your words.
  32. Being creative doesn’t mean using words that no one has ever heard of.
  33. If you have to make up a word, make up a word.
  34. There IS no ‘right way’ to write. Every writer has his or her own style.
  35. Change happens. Accept it and MOVE ON.
  36. The average English reader in Malaysia has SPM level English. So keep your stories simple enough for them to understand (A mentor in the company actually told me this when I first joined).
  37. Learn how to say NO.
  38. Learn when to say YES.
  39. Even music lyrics and movies can be inspiring as well.
  40. Find the familiar in the unfamiliar and write about that.
  41. If you have to write what you DON’T know, at least keep it to what you DO know and make sure you understand it before making others read it.
  42. If you’re lifting something written by someone else, ask permission first. If permission is not needed, then at least give the original writer the credit for the line.
  43. Don’t plagiarise.
  44. Don't be too quick to dismiss the opinions of others. They might know something you don't.
  45. Don’t pretend to know more than you actually do.
  46. Don’t assume. MAKE SURE.
  47. Your readers are not stupid, so don’t write as if you think they are.
  48. Even if you know what you’re writing about inside out, there’s ALWAYS someone who knows more than you do.
  49. PROOFREAD. PROOFREAD. PROOFREAD.
  50. SPELLCHECK. SPELLCHECK. SPELLCHECK.
  51. FACTCHECK. FACTCHECK. FACTCHECK
  52. Always save your files.
  53. Always back-up your saved files.
  54. Keep your notes, transcripts, drafts and finished files around. You never know when you might need to refer back to it.
  55. If a phrase seems clichéd or overused, it’s probably because it is clichéd and overused.
  56. Transcribing sucks, but someone’s gotta do it.
  57. Interviewees don’t always say what you want them to say.
  58. Prepare a few general and open ended questions before an interview, and base the rest of your interview on the answers you get.
  59. Don’t put words in other people’s mouths.
  60. Keep calm and carry your media pass.
  61. Remember, your words and opinions are read by A LOT of people. So make sure you get your shit right.
  62. Fact check first; incite panic later.
  63. Even if you don’t learn anything useful from someone, at least you know which useless stuff you shouldn’t be doing.
  64. Everyone has their own way of writing.
  65. Deadlines. They exist for a reason.
  66. Interviews are a lot more interesting if you treat them like conversations instead.
  67. If you’ve only got 15 minutes with someone, don’t waste time by asking about stuff you can probably get from the Internet.
  68. Don’t ask stupid questions like HOW DO YOU LIKE MALAYSIA? Or WHY DID YOU DYE YOUR HAIR BLONDE? Every other journalist in the room will hate you if you do.
  69. I can’t write fashion stories for nuts. To me, a shoe is a shoe is a shoe.
  70. No one likes a know-it-all or a holier-than-thou.
  71. If writing is becoming too much of a chore or a routine, try doing it differently. Change your routine, write in a different style.
  72. Having a blog is a fun and easy way to practise your writing outside of work
  73. Twitter helped me learn how to say more with fewer words.
  74. If your article doesn’t get published the first time, keep trying.
  75. If in doubt, get a second opinion.
  76. Spell check is your best friend.
  77. Alcohol and writing CAN mix. Sometimes. Just make sure you tidy it up after your hangover subsides in the morning.
  78. If you suddenly think of a damn good line or story idea out of the blue, WRITE IT DOWN BEFORE YOU FORGET IT.
  79. Just because you’re not in front of the PC doesn’t mean you have to stop thinking about your story. Some of my favourite lines and angles have come while stuck in traffic jams.
  80. If you still haven’t finished your story by 1am, go to sleep instead and wake up earlier in the morning to finish the damn story.
  81. Feedback is good, no matter whether it’s good or bad. Don’t let bad feedback get you down. Learn from it.
  82. RESPECT the causes and beliefs of others. Everyone has a cause they believe strongly in. Just because your beliefs or causes are different doesn't mean they are wrong.
  83. Sometimes, there are things just WON’T or CAN’T be published, no matter what you do. Deal with it.
  84. Freebies are nice. Greedy people who hoard freebies are not.
  85. Some people are good at getting stories, but suck at writing. Some are the opposite.
  86. But everyone has his or her specialties, so don’t look down on another journalist just because he or her is from another beat or desk.
  87. Get your salutations right.
  88. If you make a mistake, apologise.
  89. Your words are read by A LOT of people, and like it or not, will influence them in one way or the other. So, make sure you influence them in a positive way.
  90. Lying is bad. Making up quotes is bad too.
  91. There is always a bigger picture we don't or are unwilling to see. As journalists, it is our job to make sure that bigger picture is seen.
  92. Politics. It takes a certain kind of journalist with a lot of guts and patience to do that beat, especially here. I’m not that kind of journalist.
  93. Don’t take advantage of a situation just because you are with the media.
  94. Journalists who write about fashion, entertainment and other non-news beats are journalists too. Just because they write about less political or serious issues doesn’t mean they are inferior to so-called ‘REAL news journalists’.
  95. No, I can’t get you free tickets for concerts.
  96. Contrary to popular belief, I actually spend more time in front of the PC writing my story than anything else.
  97. Work within your limitations. If you hit a brick wall, don’t stand there complaining about the wall - find a way to break through, or another way to go around it.
  98. The ending is just as important as the intro.
  99. Know when to end the story.
  100. I LOVE MY JOB.

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Come Party With The Thirsty Blogger & Beerbeer!


Heads up, all your alkies and drunks, two of the best alcohol blogs out there are having a JOINT anniversary celebration this Thursday, at S'Mores Bar & Restaurant. Drinks are courtesy of Guinness Anchor Bhd. (And maybe some cider courtesy of Baad Apples.)!



Seeya there!


Date: 3 May 2012 (Thursday)
Time: 6pm till late

Venue: S’MoreS Bar+ Restaurant + Chilled Out
Unit G2, Ground Floor, The Sphere
Bangsar South, 59200 Kuala Lumpur