Friday, 8 February 2013

Why Hasn't John McClane Actually Died Hard Yet?



A Good Day To Die Hard
Not a Review.
Also known as Die Hard 5.
Yes, FIVE.
You'd think after five movies,
We'd get to see John McClane actually DYING Hard.
But NOOOO....



Wow, this movie is LOUD.
SERIOUSLY LOUD.
My ears were still ringing an hour after the movie ended.
Maybe it was just the IMAX sound system.
but still...
It felt like the WHOLE movie was just explosion after explosion.
Even the gunshots sounded especially loud.
Michael Bay would be proud.



Is it just me or is McClane just embarrassing here?
I'm embarrassed for Jai Courtney here.
His "dad" complains and NAGS all the time,
Blah blah blah, complain complain nagnagnag.
Sometimes you just want him to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
STOP TALKING AND START BLOWING THINGS UP, GODAMMIT.
At one point I actually wished Jai would just shoot him,
Then finish the movie by himself.



Jai's not bad though,
Pretty good at the action shit.
If they're gonna make a Die Hard movie without Willis,
then he'd be a good substitute.
He needs to be less intense and more insane though.
And get some bloody face expressions, dude.



Oooh, hot chick.
Not much of a cleavage rating though,
Because THEY CUT OUT THE PART WHERE SHE TAKES OFF HER CLOTHES.
DAMN YOU, Malaysian censors!
BAH.
Here, this is what we missed:



Yippee Ki-Yay, you fucking censors.

1 comment:

Dan O. said...

It's a Die Hard film in name only. That’s about it. Utterly and totally disappointing. Good review Michael.