Thursday, 28 March 2013

HOOH HAH? What happened to good old YO JOE?

GI Joe: Retaliation.
Not a review.
The Rock and John McClane.. Together at last!
Wait a sec...
"Hooh hah?"
Whatever happened to good old "YO JOE!"???

The Rock is awesome.
The Rock kicks ass like no other.
The Rock has arms as big as a tank's turret.
The Rock can revive ANY franchise,
Even those that have hit Rock Bottom (heh heh)

All hail Cobra!
Ok, maybe not.
But hail the fact that he's got his proper mask back, at least.
And his awesome world destroying weapon is called.... HISS!
Now THAT'S the Cobra Commander we know!
I wish they'd brought back The Baroness though.
She was awesome. And hot, of course.

Wah they really got rid of almost EVERYONE from the first movie huh?
And added The Rock and John McClane samore.
Which actually made this more awesome than the first one.
At least there was none of that "Acceleration Suit" nonsense.
This was good old fashioned guns, fists and explosions.
And ninjas of course.
Ninjas are always awesome.

OF COURSE Snake Eyes is still in it.
Come on, it wouldn't be a GI JOE movie without Snake Eyes, right?
He still kicks ass, obviously.
But hor, for a ninja, he doesn't seem very stealthy lor.
Made so much noise that even Roadblock heard him.

Oooh hot chick.
Hot chick with guns!
Hot chick in a gratuitous cleavage-baring dress!
(Cleavage Rating: 8.5)
Hot chick in a gratuitous clothes changing scene!
Ohh, and ANOTHER hot chick.. with swords!
I still miss The Baroness though.

Now that's good action!

Oklah, the movie quite entertaining.
As long as no one was trying to start a conversation.
The plot, dialogue were rather meh.
But there were some good one-liners from The Rock and John McClane.
Hey Bruce, this movie is better than that last Die Hard.
Jsut stick to this franchise, and forget that other one, ok?
Yippie kay yay, General Joe.

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Hurry up and make Ip Man a saint already...

Ip Man: The Final Fight.
Not a review.
Yes, it's another Ip Man movie.
But no Donnie Yen this time.
It's got Anthony Wong Chau Sang instead.
But don't worry, he still kicks ass.

The Final Fight?
More like The Final Stroll Around Hong Kong, actually.
There's some good action, sure,
But much of it is focused on Ip Man,
And him living life in Hong Kong,
And how he supposedly influenced everyone.

If you thought the first two Ip Man movies were virtuous,
This one practically makes him a SAINT.
Heck, he is practically god-like here.
Unflappable, unstoppable, untouchable, and unbelievably virtuous
At the rate these movies are deifying him,
He'd probably be canonized by the Pope by the next movie.

He is also in full on Yoda mode here.
Ask him a question, he gives you a one line piece of advice.
"Si Fu, why you teach me to fight but say I cannot fight people?"
"Mmm, if I teach you to swim will you go and throw people in the water?"
"Si Fu, teach me how to tell the difference between good and bad!"
"Mmm, you have to decide that for yourself when the time comes."
"Si Fu, will you train me if I try hard?
"Mmm, do or do not. There is no try."

Ok lah, the movie was entertaining,
Especially when there was a lot of fighting going on.
The action was pretty decent.
Wong Chau Sang's fighting is pretty good.
(and surprisingly, Eric Tsang also LOL)
And at least they didn't over-edit the fights to death.

The story a bit here and there though.
First we see him training people,
Then he is fighting Eric Tsang,
Then suddenly got girl try to 'kau' him.
(No it wasn't Gillian Chung)
(And of course he managed to resist her charms lar,)
(he's IP MAN, for fucks sake)

Then WAH, out of nowhere got super geng bad guy wan,
Then hor, Ip Man have to go and save his student again,
And of course have to kick his ass lor.
Tah dah!
In the end got Bruce Lee samore.
(Who didn't really look like Bruce Lee, TBH)
But that final footage of the REAL Ip Man's woodwork was awesome.