Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Fast cars, bulging muscles and bikini babes

Fast And Furious 6.
Not a review.
Yes, that's SIX.
They've made SIX of these movies.
And they get more and more ludicrous each time.
(No, I don't mean Ludacris)

Yeah, there was a lot more driving and fast cars this time,
And a lot of explosions,
A lot of fighting. A LOT.
Girl on girl fight!
The Rock versus some HUGE guy,

Oklah, the action was pretty cool.
There's a lot more driving, more racing,
And a lot more explosions too.
The dialogue is still pretty cringe worthy though.
But hey, who watches a Fast & Furious movie for the dialogue, huh?

Still, they could have cut out A LOT of that pesky dialogue.
There was WAY too much mushy talky stuff
From Dom especially - "Letty this, Letty that"
Geez dude you already bagged a hot Brazilian chick from the last movie,

There wasn't even much cleavage on show.
Ok, not from the main stars anyway.
Still got quite a lot of bikini babes around,
Dancing around the cars.
Like, that's all they do.
Dance around the cars.

Holy crap, The Stath!
The fella is everywhere, isn't he?
And now he's gonna be in Fast & Furious 7?
Yes, they are making a Fast & Furious 7.
And looks like it's finally moving on from Tokyo Drift.
Whether it's a good thing or not...
Bah, who cares, you'll watch it anyway right?

Friday, 10 May 2013

May the Force allow J.J. Abrams to live long and prosper.

Star Trek Into Darkness
Not a review.
A long long time ago,
In a galaxy far, far away,
Space was the final frontier.
These are the greatest years of J.J. Abrams,
His two year mission:
To make a Star Wars movie at least good as this Star Trek movie.

Still one of the most iconic starships EVER.
Still, every time they show the ship,
The music go up damn high wan lor.
Like, enough already, JJ.
We know it's an awesome ship already.

Kirk & Spock, sitting in a starship...
K.I.S.S... ok maybe not.
Intergalactic bromance forevah!
If you're a fan of the original series/movies,
This will probably be right up your lane.
Their friendship has never been stronger.

WHOA Sherlock rocks!
Welcome to superstardom, Mr. Cucumberpatch.
John Harrison was super intense and super scary.
Probably the most memorable bad guy so far this year.
A bit scary when the camera zooms in on him,
And all you can see is HIS FACE.
Extremely unnerving in IMAX, especially.

Alice Eve strips!
Wait what? THEY CUT OUT THAT SCENE??!!???
*Goes back and gets screenshot from trailer*
Is it just me or has Zoe Saldana lost A LOT OF WEIGHT?
She's barely filling out that Starfleet uniform!

Hey, wouldn't it be great...
If the Enterprise suddenly showed up in Star Wars Episode VII?
Here, with all the time travelling & Galaxy jumping they do,
Who's to stop them from showing up in that galaxy far far away?
(And getting zapped by a new Death Star).
Wonder how Spock would fare in a fight with Yoda?
Pointy ear fight!

This is a summer blockbuster disguised as a Star Trek movie,
LOTS of action, limited exposition,
Over the top bad guys...
If you're a die hard Star Trek fan who hated the first one,
You MIGHT not like this one either.
(Depending on how you feel the treatment to certain iconic scenes).
But it's still quite awesome to watch!

Still, if this was any indication,
then Star Wars really is in good hands.
Because Star Trek Into Darkness was AWESOME FUN.
Not perfect, but still great to watch.
May J.J. Abrams live long and prosper,
And may the Force always be with him.