Tuesday, 18 June 2013

At least World War Z wasn't a world class zzzzz



World War Z.
Not a review.
Z is for ZOMBIES!
LOTS OF ZOMBIES!
ZOMBIES CLIMBING ZOMBIES!
ZOMBIE MOUNTAINS!
ZOMBIE STREETS!
(Oh you get the picture)



Z is for ZOUNDS!
Now those are crazy scary zombies.
Not just the way the chase and run after you,
But also the way they TURN into zombies,
Contort here contort there,
Like Yoga Gone Wild.



Z is for ZERO
As in ZERO BLOOD.
You'd think with THAT many zombies biting people,
You'd have BUCKETS AND WATER TANKERS FULL OF BLOOD.
But NOOOO.
The only drops of blood you see are Brad Pitt's.
And even then it's like "drip drip drip".
It's like he's the only one allowed to bleed in the movie.



Z is for Zzzz.
No I don't mean you'll fall asleep in the cinema,
I mean you'll probably lose some zZZZzz over this,
Especially if you sleep in a quiet, dimly lit laboratory.
Ultimate proof that zombies are actually scarier when they are slower.
When they run and chase you it's frightening enough.
When they TURN AND STARE AT YOU,
Start shuffling... AND THEN BREAK INTO A RUN,
Now THAT'S super crazy scary!!



Wait a minute, where's the war?
It's called WORLD WAR Z isn't it?
So where's the war?
Where's the people vs zombies carnage we've been promised?
All I see are a bunch of military folks holed in a ship/bunker/walled city
Who send Brad Pitt to play Where In The World is Carmen Zombiagio.



Not that the action is not there,
The zombie attack set pieces were TERRIFIC,
The opening sequence especially.
But I was expecting, you know,
More "DIE ZOMBIE DIE!" and RATATATA BOOM POW!
Brad Pitt chopping up a few zombies doesn't quite cut it, y'know?
Shaun did it with more style,
AND he did it in a PUB!



So, story = meh.
Action = great when there were zombies running after Brad Pitt.
Worth watching on cinema for the sheer scale of the zombie swarm attacks,
But I wish they'd done a bit more with the story,
And given us more SOLDIERS VERSUS ZOMBIES shit.
Oh well, at least it wasn't exactly a world class Zzzzzzz

1 comment:

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