Tuesday, 10 December 2013

When Watson Met Sherlock Under The Lonely Mountain.



The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.
Not a review.
Also known as The Hobbit 2.
Or When Watson Met Sherlock Under The Lonely Mountain.
(which sounds like the title of a porn fanfic).
For the sake of trying something new,
I shall now write the Not-Review,
While pretending I’m singing an 80’s cartoon/anime theme song.
Feel free to sing along!



Thorin Thorin Thorin!
He’s a dwarf with more than one naaaame,
Thorin Thorin Thorin!
He slices and dices orcs and he loves to maaaaim.
Thorin Thorin Thorin!
He can emo and brood even while riding a barrreeelll!
Thorin Thorin Thorin!



Bilbo Baggiins! Bilbo Baggiiinssss!
Bilbo’s got a Sting and he let those spiders know!
Bilbo Baggiins! Bilbo Baggiiinssss!
Bilbo’s got his precious and he ain’t letting go!
Bilbo Baggiins! Bilbo Baggiiinssss!



Go go, Legolas!
Flying through the air like you just don’t care (about your long blonde hair!)
Go go, Legolas!
Shooting arrows like a good elf fellow (he sure ain’t yellow!)
Go go, Legolas!
Sending hearts a-flutter and leaving Miranda Kerr (what was wrong with her?)
Go go, Legolas!



Tau-ri-el! Tau-ri-el!
Without you the movie would be a sausage fest hell!
Tau-ri-el! Tau-ri-el!
You don’t exist in the book but Peter don't care!
Tauriel! Yeah! Tauriel! Yeah!



Bard the Bowman!
Can he shoot it?
Bard The Bowman!
Yes he can!
Bard The Bowman!
Is he Legolas?
Bard The Bowman!
No he ain't!



Gandalf The Grey, hey hey!
His friends look like bears and are covered in hair!
Gandalf The Grey, hey hey!
His colleague is covered in bird shit and is bat-shit crazy!
Gandalf The Grey, hey hey!



SMAUG! AH-HAAAA!
You are fire, you are death, you make Dragonheart look like a rat!
SMAUG! AH-HAAAA!
Raining fire down on gold, you make everything else seem so cold!
SMAUG! AH-HAAAA!
Your accent makes us wanna go KAAAAAHN!



Well done, Peterpeterpeterpeterpeter JACKSON!
Great movie, Peterpeterpeterpeterpeter JACKSON!
Beats the first, Peterpeterpeterpeterpeter JACKSON!
Tasty carrot, Peterpeterpeterpeterpeter JACKSON?

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