Wednesday, 27 May 2015

4 ways the Jem trailer completely misses the point

So, the new trailer for the Jem And The Holograms live-action movie was released a few weeks ago.

And here it is:

It’s showtime, Synergy! Or is it?

The online response to the trailer has been more of outrage than outrageous, with most fans seemingly upset that the movie doesn't seem to bear any resemblance to the 80’s cartoon at all. And I can't say I disagree, because I'm a fan of the cartoon as well (only because it used to be shown before Transformers and M.A.S.K.).

Anyway, here are four reasons why director Jon M. Chu seems to be completely missing the point with his live-action take on the beloved 80's cartoon:

1) It’s Jem only in name

In the cartoon: Jerrica Benton is an adult record executive who leads a secret life as Jem, the superstar frontwoman of The Holograms. Jerrica has a holographic computer called Synergy that can project a holograms that turns Jerrica into Jem when she touches her earrings and says “Showtime, synergy!”.

In the movie: From what I can see from the trailer, this is the story: an average teenager writes song, which is uploaded online, which leads to her becoming a rock star who has to conceal her identity. She is then convinced to forsake her bandmate and go solo by the evil recording company, but soon realises that it was wrong and reconciles with them in the end.
Sorry Mr Chu, that’s not Jem. That’s a Hannah Montana/Dreamgirls ripoff.

2) It’s hardly outrageous

In the cartoon: Among the adventures Jem and gang get up to include Kimbra switching places with an Egyptian princess, the Misfits stealing Jem’s earrings while in China, and going to exotic places like Venice, Europe, Honolulu, and er… Colorado.

In the trailer: It doesn’t look like Jem’s going out of America. Sorry, but that is truly outrageous.

3) They missed the Misfits

In the cartoon: The Misfits are the Anti-Jem, the rival band always causing havoc for Jem and the Holograms. They’ve stolen Jem’s earrings, stolen their music, and in Season Three, even staged a hostile takeover of Jerrica’s company while she was gone and forced the remaining Holograms to join the Misfits to form a supergroup. Now THAT’S evil.

In the trailer: Wait, what do you mean there are no Misfits? Face it, without The Misfits, Jem And The Holograms would just be a bunch of glam-pop singers running around singing, and worrying about boys. Which kind of sounds like Chu’s movie, actually.

4) They even got the catchphrase wrong.

In the cartoon: Jerrica says “Showtime, Synergy” everytime she wants to transform into Jem. It’s a command directed at Synergy, her holographic computer, who then projects a hologram over her, turning her into Jem.

In the trailer: Jerrica touches her earring and says “Showtime synergy” without any energy, like a management trainee practicing his corporate jargon before a big presentation. Sorry, Mr Chu, we’re not feeling any synergy with your movie here.

Anyway, here's the original theme song for the TV show, just so you can erase the memory of that sorry excuse of a Jem live-action adaptation:

Monday, 18 May 2015


I'm a HUGE fan of the Minions (I could care less about Gru), and am super excited about the upcoming Minions movie. So excited that I'm gonna just let you watch the trailer to get you excited as well.

altogether now... YAKITORI!!!!!

Wednesday, 13 May 2015

Mad Max makes Fast And Furious look like a Hot Wheels commercial.

Mad Max: Fury Road
Not a review.
Mad to the max.
Bonkers brilliant.
Insanely awesome.
Makes Fast And Furious look like a Hot Wheels commercial.


Where do I start,
This movie puts pedal to the metal from the start,
From the very first scene, it's GO GO GO GO GO,
And it never lets up.
It's action, action, punk rock action all the way.

If I have another daughter, I wanna name her Furiosa.
Because Charlize Theron's Furiosa is BADASS.
Tom Hardy? Meh.
His Max not very Mad also.
But Furiosa was FURIOUS.
This should have been called TOO FAST TOO FURIOSA.

And damn, the AWESOME CARS, the TRUCKS, the BIKES.
I would LOVE a model of that War Rig.
And Immortan Joe's Gigahorse.
And the Ripsaw! It's one with the tank threads.
And the People Eater's Mercedes limo truck.
And that truck with that punk rock guitarist out front jamming war anthems!

Didn't watch the first Mad Max movies?
It doesn't take much to get into this one.
You don't even need to know there were Mad Max movies in the 80s.
Heck, the only thing I remember form those movies,
Was Tina Turner's "We Don't Need Another Hero".

So yeah, go watch Mad Max.
Because it's the best car-related movie this year.
It makes Fast And Furious look lame.
This one has (mostly) practical effects and stunts, babeh,
None of that CGI shit (much)
And none of that hip-hop crap either.

Friday, 8 May 2015

Loki and Scarlet Witch, sitting in the World Tree...

Poor Vision, losing the love of his life to Loki. LOLOL