Thursday, 12 May 2016

All X-movies should add a dose of Deadpool



X-Men: Apocalypse.
Not a review.
And the award for best X-Men movie of the year goes to...
Deadpool.
This was not bad, but not great.
X-citing, but certainly not X-hilarating.
Deadpool was, and with some X-rating too.



After the awesomeness of Civil War,
This was like just like meh.
But in an awesome way.
At least I didn't want swear at the screen,
Like I did after Batman V Superman.



Professor X and Magneto still awesome though.
But Mystique seems a bit too Katniss for me.
Apocalypse? Meh?
See, this is what happens when Resistance pilots go over to the Dark Side.
I kept wishing Deadpool would show up,
And turn him into a chimichanga.



Lots of new mutants though.
Olivia Munn as Psylocke!
OMG that's like a fanboy's wet dream come true.
Cleavage rating 7.5.
But hor, damn wasted lor.
Like, she doesn't really DO much.



Storm's much better. Better than Halle Berry at least.
Annoying still, but not AS annoying.
And Nightcrawler too.
I thought the Thriller jacket was a nice touch LOL.
Oh oh oh, and Quicksilver!
He's still awesome.



And Cyclops.
Better than the last one at least.
Jean Grey... so-so lah.
Can't get over the fact that she's Sansa Stark LOL
Angel was another bloody waste though.
And Jubilee didn't even do ANYTHING. BAH.



I don't know, I'm kinda two minds over it.
It's not as bad as BVS.
But it's not as great as Civil War.
It's kinda just... there.
It does bury the original X-Men trilogy for good though.
Which is kinda a good and bad thing.



You know what would make an AWESOME X-Men movie?
If DEADPOOL were in it.
Never mind Wolverine, just get DEADPOOL in it.
Why? Because DEADPOOL.

Tuesday, 10 May 2016

WTF BABY-EATING PIGS ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY



The Angry Birds Movie.
Not A Review.
Wait a minute,
Do people still play Angry Birds?
Heck, do people still CARE about Angry Birds?
Wouldn't this movie have made more sense,
Like, 3 years ago when the game was still hot?



Anyway, there are birds on an island,
And they are all happy birds.
Except one.
Red is angry, like, all the time.
Because the birds around him are stupid.
Hey, I like him already.



Anyway, the gang's all there,
The yellow speedy bird
The black bomb bird,
The white egg-laying bird,
The GIANT red bird,
And the useless boomerang bird.
Oh, and the three little blue ones.



Then the PIGS SHOW UP!
OMG PIGS!
OINK OINK PIGS!
Sure they're green, but PIGS
OINK! OINK!
Like, how did THEY manage to get THEM in?




For a cartoon for kids, the story is damn dark lor.
The pigs steal the bird's eggs and want to EAT THEM.
THEY STOLE THE BIRDS' BABIES
AND WANT TO EAT THEM.
Like, IMMA EAT YOUR BABIES MUAHAAHAHA
OMG HOW SICK IS THAT.
I mean, LOOK HOW CUTE THOSE BABIES ARE.



So yeah, the pigs steal the eggs (bastards)
So the birds have to get them back...
By throwing themselves kamikaze-like at the buildings.
I know it's based on the game,
And I know the birds are virtually indestructible,
And I know it's a CARTOON.
But still...



Anyway, ok watch.
Kinda liek the game
Play already, forget.
Just don't overthink things, ok?
Don't be angry.
Don't be like me.